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Words can hurt more than actions

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Ordep, Oct 29, 2009.

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  1. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Here we go again... another thread by sorry me...

    Recently I had a chat with a friend of mine (was it yesterday? Tuesday? To be honest I can't remember... everyday seems the same nowadays) and he said some prett nasty suff to me, which really dug into my brain.

    I was (am) depressed and told him I think I'm too weak to turn my life around, and what did he say? "Yes, you are." then he called me disgusting and pathetic, just because I can't get over my ex.

    I dunno, maybe it doesn't sound so bad from the other side of the mirror, I've heard pretty worse stuff being thrown at me in the past. But that just got buried into my brain, I can't stop hearing his voice saying those words, calling me pathetic, weak and disgusting... making me feel disgust and hate of myself as a result... I know honesty is a virtue, but can't it be overlooked sometimes? Does he really think that's what I need to hear or does he simply not care?

    He knows Im suffering so much, he knows I wanna die, then why? When something displeases him, why does he always go for the maximum damage? Why can't he understand that I'm hurting inside and can't take that kind of insults without going down?

    Sorry, I'm aware of how much I've been asking the comunity lately... maybe this is not even worth mentioning... but it's just driving me down fast...
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 29, 2009
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Words do hurt a lot. That person is immature and may be hiding his not knowing what to do to help you behind "shake you out of it" type words. That's the give him the benefit of the doubt words. But.....let's leave the benefit of the doubt way of saying it out of the picture.


    I have been wounded by words so many times. If you can, do not confide in that person anymore. You don't have tell the sensitive stuff to a person that responds that way. You can post here anytime.

    You can always tell that person they are inconsiderate and have no clue.

  3. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    It's for the best I guess... Everytime I try to talk to him about this sort of things, I end up getting hurt.

    Thing is, this is not the first time I said I wouldn't talk to him about this sort of stuff, and yet here I am...

    and either way, the damage is done for now...
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'm going to say something and please dont take it the wrong way. You are in a very good group of people that have the same problem. I'm one of them. But I dont think you have ever had a real friend. Because these so called friends that say those kinds of things can not be called a real friend. I have these kind of people all my life that I thought of as frends. And I always stuck with them even after their words hurt more than any harm I could do to myself. Why? To stop the loneliness from swallowing me up whole. I tolerate people like that so that I atleast have someone that I can say "yes I do have friends." But we are only kidding ourselves. It wasnt until I found this site that I discovered what a real friend is. And the amazing thing is that these new friends dont even necesarily want the title or recognition. They just guenuinely care about you. They are there to help you when you need them and even when you think you dont. They dont expect any thing more from you than that you return the favor and let someone else call you friend.

    That "person" is not a friend hun. He is there for the fun and good times. But when you really need someone to understand he cant. Not that he wont but he cant. Because he doesnt see or feel your pain. And he refuses to beause it might affect him or make him have to really work to deserve your friendship in return. So he hurts instead. It is much easier to walk away than to stay and make the effort to understand and help.

    You have real friends here Pedro. We may be new but we do care. So please dont ever feel like you've posted too many times or are being a burden. You're real friends want to help so let them.
  5. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    Are you close to this person? Perhaps, this is one person you really want to have understand you?

    I've been in that position and it's hard to keep myself from saying what's really happening with me. Some people who are good people, only come back with solution statements not recognizing that I need a listening ear and a hug. I don't tell a lot of people stuff because of the solution response thingy.

    That's one reason why I like it here. I can go to my diary and post my daily stuff there. If I need response, I post in another forum. Works for me. :)
  6. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    the wounds & bruises take time to heal..it take days & weeks,but finally it heal & get back to normal...but the wounds inside by hurt words never ever heal.
    dear,u r not week...everybody do not over come even after long time...i had love from oneside before 4 years ago and i didnt overcome yet..thats not mean im week .
    I dont want to interfere of your life..its not my bussiness but maybe if u go with possitive & chearful friend reduce your depression...thats not mean to leave your friend..noway...but see also people thats support u also in the same time..

    PS:im sorry if I insult anybody..i dont mean anything..im just trying to help.
  7. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I'm gonna be honest on this, because I've been putting so many smoke screens in front of my eyes that I've been lying so much to myself as to anybody else.

    Yeah, I know he's no real friend, at least not anymore. I just don't wanna believe it, because he used to be a good friend, but ever since my girlfriend broke up with me and it beacame clear that she wasn't coming back to me, he begun to walk away. How does that relate? He's my ex. best friend nowadays.

    I mean, he may deny it when I mentioned it long ago, but the differences are impossible to miss. Just as an example, when my (now) ex showed some sings that she was going to break up with me, he was all supportive and even invited me to his place so we could spend some time having fun, for me to get my mind off my ex. Something a friend would do I guess.

    But nowadays even if I tell him I'm about to lose in and drop from the edge he doesn't have the "time" to pick up a phone and talk to me, the best he offers is text exchange.

    Back when I was dating my ex, if I fogot to contact him at least once a week he'd call me and ask why I've been so silent. Nowadays he know that I have no one else out there to talk to, and a month can (and did) go by without him even dropping a "hi" and he thought this perfectly natural... oh and last time I went to his house it was just to lend him some of my cds he asked me to bring, 5 minutes after giving the cds I was being asked to leave cause he had to do some stuff he didn't care to explain.

    I dunno, I have the feeling he only cared about me because I was my ex. boyfriend so he wanted to get along with me to gain favour with her, but I keep trying to make excuses because I really want him as a friend, it's like you said Charge, he one person I'd like to understand me. And I want it so bad I keep forgiving his obvious disrespect and lack of interest in our friendship.

    You're right Carla, I don't have any real friends, I did have, but now one hates me and the other is too busy with herself... The problem is this stupid clingyness of mine that keeps me from giving up on people, no matter how they mistreat me. After we broke up my ex pretty much tortured me physicologically every day, but still when she needed a favour, I was there to do her bidding.

    I have no self respect I guess...

    And yeah, if it wasn't for you guys...
  8. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Don't be sorry. It's ok, you're trying to be a real friend. Ordep can use as many of those as he can find right now. I'm glad you care about Pedro and others here. Your words mean a lot to people that are hurting.

    Sorry Pedro didnt mean to take over the thread just sounded like someone else needed a little reassuring along with you. :hug:
  9. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Well then it's time to cahnge that. Have you ever consider a support group? Good people that really undertand you. People you can turn to when you need a shoulder. Like here but in real life. It gives you something to look forward to. Something to enjoy and something to help you get through the tough times. Think about it?
  10. Kruger613

    Kruger613 Member

    I know exactly what you mean. The problem is that important people are so few and far between in our lives. We try to hold onto them as long as possible, even when they obviously don't care about. Letting go is very hard.
  11. Zoe

    Zoe Well-Known Member

    Perhaps he thought he'd motivate you to change by saying it. I've found that people with little or no understanding of mental health can do this.

    They think they're helping but are really just clueless. It's not necessarily their fault as people can be afraid of what they don't understand.

    Would you consider letting him know how much he upset you and see what he says?

    He may apologise and you could get across how bad things really are for you at the moment, it may lead to better understanding between you both.

    You're right, it is very difficult to let go of such things, it's a kick you really don't need when you're already down.

    He had no right to say it, it was very mean in anyone's book and you deserve an apology.

    I hope as the next few days go by the pain of it eases up. :hug:
  12. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I don't know of any groups nearby, but I'll take a look around and try it out if I find one. Where is usually a good place to search for this support groups? And one thing tough, are they usually paid or free? I wouldn't mind paying if it helped me, but my father who's a money hoarder controls my accounts and he'd never allow it. Thanks for the suggestion Carla. Oh and no problem taking over the thread, we're all here to help eachothers.

    Bubblin girl: Thanks for you kind words :)

    Kruger: yeah, that's exactly what I feel.

    Zoe: In the past I did tell him how much that sort of "physicological lashes" of his hurt me, and he did apologise on the ocasion, but as you can see it didn't stop him from repeating.

    Thanks for your kind words people
  13. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    thanks dear :)
  14. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    u r so welcome darling :)
  15. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    If you see a pdoc, therapist, counsellor or even general practioner they should all be able to give you information about local support groups. Some to think about would be ones for depression, sucide, etc.

    If not then look up mental health in the phone book. Or go to the nearby hospital and ask the general admittance or er desk personnel to help you find something. Failing that try contacting any youth organization or even a counsellor at any high school or college. If still nothing then try calling the crisis line and they can direct you to some information about one.

    All the support groups I have ever attended were free. We usually met in a public place like a library or community center that the organizer booked in advanced. Ours were twice a month. We had become such a great group together that we planned an annual summer bbq for the members and a small xmas get together. Again usually in the same place that we held the meetings. We had also compiled a list of names and phone numbers of the members that were comfortable enough, so that we had a "lifeline" of people we knew that we could call when we hit crisis.

    Support groups are great in that they are people that really understand what you are going through. They can help you with life experience. Most times they have coping skills that even the pdocs havent suggested. And you quickly become very comfiortable there. I barely leave my home but yet when I had group I couldnt wait to get there. Good luck Pedro and let me know how you make out. Maybe I can source a few for you throughthe organizations here that may know about your neck of the woods.
  16. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    Thanks alot Carla. I'll look into it next week. I'll PM you if I have any questions k?
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