Words From the Heart of a Nameless Creation

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by demuredawn, May 31, 2014.

  1. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    I don't understand how I manage to piss off so many people without even trying.. but I won't ask for answers, because that too is part of my problem. I also don't understand why I always have to be happy or excited or laughing or intrigued or some other fun emotion and either I'm completely not allowed to have any other type of emotion or... its "only there because i have borderline personality disorder". Can't I be human too? Can't I be disgusted with life at least once in awhile? Or pissed at things people do?

    Now, please note.. I did not at any time in this post say people "always" react in a certain way to me or "never" react in a certain way.. I am simply saying.. this is the way people generally treat me, hence.. most of the time, and that is why I am reacting to that treatment and discussing that treatment. I bring up the fact I did not say those terms because those are terms that belong to BPD.. this is NOT about BPD.. this is about me...

    I am also not trying to point the finger at any person here.. nor am I trying to say it is only at this site this happens.. as I said.. it is people in general that treat me this way. Please do not take offense at these words, it is me expressing my thoughts and feelings and nothing beyond that. I am not claiming any of it to be something undebatable. If you wish to question any of this, or argue it, feel free, I cannot say or promise I will respond to those statements but I will respect them as your opinion and you have the right to have them.

    Now.. onto the rest of what I have to say. I do not believe that anyone has a right to tell someone else how they should or should not feel or if its right or wrong to feel a certain way.. after all, they aren't that person, they don't have the same set of circumstances, how can they truly understand how or why the person feels as they do.. and feelings are feelings.. how can they be right or wrong (unless they break laws)? I know a certain person will think I am directing this comment at them, but honsetly.. its been done to me by so many people recently I cannot count them all .. and I"m sorry, but doing that hurts. I also do not think others have a right to judge a person's troubles as "not really that bad" or "huge" or etc.. we all have problems.. we all hurt.. thats enough to know they matter.. its enough to know they are significant.. and its enough to know they need a solution. Another thing.. I don't understand how people can judge one person's bad decisions or mistakes as worse than their own or anyone elses.. aagin, unless one person breaks some law and the other does not.. we all have our faults, what makes any of us any better than the next of give any of us the right to judge others? I think people (especially on this site where all of us have probs and trouble dealing with them too) should treat others with compassion and understanding.. or at least politeness and courtesy. Now, I"m not saying everyone here is mean or cruel.. just saying there are many times I've seen stuff done I do not agree with and even times I've experienced it...and I don't understand the mentality behind it... aren't we all in need of compassion and understanding here? Don't all people everywhere deserve those things.. until/unless they show by action either against us or our friends?

    Please dont get me wrong.. I'm not mad.. I'm just very hurt and very confused. Maybe I'm wrong to feel that way.. I'm told that often, so I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm the bitch everyone around me in my real life and even some online have told me I am .. perhaps thats why and how I piss people off without trying. I don't know anymore. I'm not even asking anybody these questions so please don't try to answer those things.. respond to my statements if you want to.. not my confusions about myself or how others may or may not feel about me. That only seems to lead to more conflict.. I'm tired of that. At this point I'm so tired of it all I wish I could just fade away til I disappear. I wish all the best to all of you and I apologize if any of my words upset you. Thank you for taking the time to read this long post. I will shut up now.
     
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    You don't always have to be happy...there's no one on earth that is always happy...and it's fine to feel whatever negative emotion you are dealing with. You're right, no one has the right to tell you what way you need to feel...I'm sure they wouldn't like it if you said the same to them. No one has the right to judge you, because they have no idea what you have gone through, how it has affected you, how you think and feel...they can only guess and make assumptions. But if they are just going to do that, they shouldn't bother at all. It's not that hard to be kind and caring, to actually listen to someone and not kick them while they're down. You definitely aren't a bitch, and the same thing happens to me...more often than not, what I say is misinterpreted, usually in a bad way, no matter how clear I try to make myself or how I try not to offend anyone. I don't really know what to say that I haven't already said...other than to ignore the people who want to put you down more, because they are not worth your time and energy.
     
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    How someone feels is unique to that one person, for example what can be deemed is being "too sensitive" to one person, can be a breaking point for the person feeling those emotions. No one can ever fully understand how someone feels, as they aren't the ones feeling that. All one can do is relate it to how they felt about something similar for example losing a loved one etc.

    I guess what I am saying in my roundabout way is feelings should not be treated lightly, and words offered carefully. No one should question how someone feels, but life is sadly not like that. I do hope you feel better soon though, and find some comfort and understand and positivity with that.
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you hun i am sorry you are in such pain
     
  5. demuredawn

    demuredawn Well-Known Member

    witty.. thank you for your kind words, your advice - both insightful and showing wisdom, and for being a good friend.

    perfect melancholy.. while i understand life is not what it should be all the time, i do not think that means we have to just blindly accept the cruelties in it and say "oh well, thats perfectly fine".. because quite frankly, its not.... and no, i'm not saying you yourself feel that way i'm just pointing out the only reason that i'm on the fence with this portion of what you said (and again, its OKAY to have a diff opinion that me, i just like to make my views known as well):

    If you only meant it as ... it should be this way, but its not, we have to deal with the reality.. that doesn't make it right, but "it is what it is" .. I can sort of agree with that because in a way, I can see how it may be unchangeable in general society.. but, there are certain places I think it can be changed (this forum is not the only place, but yes it is included.. but I am not insinuating everyone needs that change to act accordingly to it either).

    total eclipse... thank you for the hugs... that was sweet