I don't understand how I manage to piss off so many people without even trying.. but I won't ask for answers, because that too is part of my problem. I also don't understand why I always have to be happy or excited or laughing or intrigued or some other fun emotion and either I'm completely not allowed to have any other type of emotion or... its "only there because i have borderline personality disorder". Can't I be human too? Can't I be disgusted with life at least once in awhile? Or pissed at things people do? Now, please note.. I did not at any time in this post say people "always" react in a certain way to me or "never" react in a certain way.. I am simply saying.. this is the way people generally treat me, hence.. most of the time, and that is why I am reacting to that treatment and discussing that treatment. I bring up the fact I did not say those terms because those are terms that belong to BPD.. this is NOT about BPD.. this is about me... I am also not trying to point the finger at any person here.. nor am I trying to say it is only at this site this happens.. as I said.. it is people in general that treat me this way. Please do not take offense at these words, it is me expressing my thoughts and feelings and nothing beyond that. I am not claiming any of it to be something undebatable. If you wish to question any of this, or argue it, feel free, I cannot say or promise I will respond to those statements but I will respect them as your opinion and you have the right to have them. Now.. onto the rest of what I have to say. I do not believe that anyone has a right to tell someone else how they should or should not feel or if its right or wrong to feel a certain way.. after all, they aren't that person, they don't have the same set of circumstances, how can they truly understand how or why the person feels as they do.. and feelings are feelings.. how can they be right or wrong (unless they break laws)? I know a certain person will think I am directing this comment at them, but honsetly.. its been done to me by so many people recently I cannot count them all .. and I"m sorry, but doing that hurts. I also do not think others have a right to judge a person's troubles as "not really that bad" or "huge" or etc.. we all have problems.. we all hurt.. thats enough to know they matter.. its enough to know they are significant.. and its enough to know they need a solution. Another thing.. I don't understand how people can judge one person's bad decisions or mistakes as worse than their own or anyone elses.. aagin, unless one person breaks some law and the other does not.. we all have our faults, what makes any of us any better than the next of give any of us the right to judge others? I think people (especially on this site where all of us have probs and trouble dealing with them too) should treat others with compassion and understanding.. or at least politeness and courtesy. Now, I"m not saying everyone here is mean or cruel.. just saying there are many times I've seen stuff done I do not agree with and even times I've experienced it...and I don't understand the mentality behind it... aren't we all in need of compassion and understanding here? Don't all people everywhere deserve those things.. until/unless they show by action either against us or our friends? Please dont get me wrong.. I'm not mad.. I'm just very hurt and very confused. Maybe I'm wrong to feel that way.. I'm told that often, so I don't know anymore. Maybe I'm the bitch everyone around me in my real life and even some online have told me I am .. perhaps thats why and how I piss people off without trying. I don't know anymore. I'm not even asking anybody these questions so please don't try to answer those things.. respond to my statements if you want to.. not my confusions about myself or how others may or may not feel about me. That only seems to lead to more conflict.. I'm tired of that. At this point I'm so tired of it all I wish I could just fade away til I disappear. I wish all the best to all of you and I apologize if any of my words upset you. Thank you for taking the time to read this long post. I will shut up now.