Words hurt too...

Discussion in 'Domestic Abuse' started by Sydx, May 12, 2010.

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  1. Sydx

    Sydx Active Member

    I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now. First few months were especially nice since it was the too-convincing apparatus of the so-called "honeymoon phase". Then things started getting a little more settled and quiet between us; no cute-sy stuff, no spontanaeity or even "I love you"s. At first, I hadn't thought anything of it but as the weeks passed, it disconcerted me more.

    He was becoming much more distant -- emotionally dettached, in a way, I guess you could say, since he pushed me away mentally and the only emotion he would ever show were brief sparks of agression. I could tell he had some sort of anger pent up inside him though he hardly let it show, just when he'd aburptly snap at whatever little thing and recoil. it actually kind of worried me because if he was feeling that strongly about something, whatever it was, he had to be hurting and I was ready and willing to be there for him.

    But I guess some sort of timer just clicked in his head and he didn't quite hold back that flicker of agression anymore.

    When I would merely ask him how his day was or any other trivial question that you could come up with, he'd give me a sort of glare I'd never expect from him and a snide remark -- if he decided to talk to me instead of scoffing or some other.

    And when he did try to have a decent conversation with me, if I said the wrong thing or gave an answer he didn't approve of, he would automatically get pissy and his mood would only escalate from there. Just last February I remember I'd gone over to his house to get that sense of support from being around a loved one (had a really crappy day). As soon as I'd gone through the door and told him I was, well, have a shitty day to be blunt, he started going off on me. I don't even remember what he was yelling about, honestly, just a whole bunch of insults with whatever curse word sounded good apparently. At one point, he literally had me cornered. I was so afraid he was going to strike me or something, I was in tears. If he did do anything, I wouldn't have been able to fend him off because he's two feet taller than me and is far stronger.

    (That's why I've kept away from any intimate situations since then (including making out) because obviously emotions are only strengthened and hasty then and I don't want to risk the chance of something happening...)

    Things have only been getting progressively worse and I'm scared of what will happen if things keep continuing like this. I really do love him, though. I just want to help him get through whatever is going on in his mind that's making him act like this and I want to be there for him like he used to be there for me. But I really don't know what to do now...
  2. Terra

    Terra Well-Known Member

    It's really hard trying to be there and care for a person who might trigger on anything. I don't have this with a bf but with my father. I'm afraid of him, and even if he have never hit me or been physical, I'm still scared he might get. The smart thing would be to move out and distance yourself from the person who harms you. But when it's familiy or someone you love it just feels so wrong, almost like I'm the one betraying him. My best tip would actually be to break contact, especially if it's getting worse as you say. When we love someone, we tend to think that we have the ability to change or "save" this person, but they need to realise that you are human aswell.

    I don't want to just ditch my father and never speak to him again, but the main thing I'm looking forward to is that he will finally realise all I do for him when i move out. I do all the cleaning, cooking, listen to his "problems" and never get a thanks. Only yelling if the dishwasher wasn't started, or stated with one fork too little in it... You sound like you truly care for, and want to help this person. But don't let him isolate you and take advantage of your good nature. You are also allowed to have shitty days, you are also allowed to speak for yourself, and be heard. If you are scared to leave, make someone come with you, this is not a loving relationship. At best you can take a break and if he understands, you can start over, with better communication.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I suggest he needs help... and you should get out of the relationship now....

    he sounds violent and you deserve to be treated better than that.....

    get out before you get hurt big time...both physically and emotionally..
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