Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Freya, Jul 12, 2014.

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  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Sometimes you spend so long not saying something - not saying anything - not feeling that you have the permission, the position, the right to feel how you feel, let alone to say it out loud - that when, after months, it finally gets so overwhelming that you say something, it comes out so wrong that it doesn't even vaguely resemble your intent. You realise that shutting the FUCK up was and is always the right thing to do. And that you are an awful person. Basically.
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I guess sometimes it builds up instead of you frustration at wanting to speak up, powerless exhausted by not being able to the words come out wrong, does not make you a bad person nore a fuck up. Plenty of times I have done this, and you know what the people you do this to once you explain those who understand and forgive are the ones worth knowing, I hope you feel better to, and imo you are not an awful person wanted to reiterate that :hug:
  3. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    There is a very very good reason that I never say how I feel in the moment. I write things out and review them 23 times before I say them. I have the conversation in my head over and over. I more often than not, after reviewing and revising and amending and changing never say anything at all - and it takes a moment of stupid stupid narcissistic heat of the moment selfish self obsessed emotion to remind me exactly why that is. Urgh :(
  4. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I'll be honest. Am totally the opposite sometimes I just ramble and hit enter sometimes I ponder for hours but never edit. Do you not feel it is better to be honest with how you feel, or I guess be true to your emotions? Sometimes circumstances and frustration can exacerbate what is said in the moment, I will say this shutting up not saying a word will only make things worse because it festers inside you
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    If it festers inside of me it is only hurting me. If I say it out loud and it causes someone else stress, anxiety, guilt... then no I do not think that is better. I know that there is this big thing about honesty and expressing yourself, but sometimes all expressing yourself does is cause someone else negative emotions. Wanting to talk about something is all well and good - but both people need to want to have the conversation. Pushing someone into a conversation they don't want to have is selfish - expressing feelings that can only make the other person feel bad in some way is selfish. Sigh.
  6. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    So I was sat on the sofa thinking about what you wrote, so excuse my ramble. The main aim of this is I do not want you to shut up, or feel it is better or easier to keep things bottled in, I also apologise if I make no sense as you have noticed before I do not proof read what I write!

    I mean who am I to say do not bottle things up do not stay quiet I can hardly talk, however I know deep down it is wrong to it will not help in the long term. I think in the past myself, I have always talked to those who I thought could help and wished would, and not those who could actually help.

    Sometimes those closest to us we put that expectation on them to be there, that emotional connection is but then we may catch them unawares and sometimes they do not have the words or the ability to help in the way we wish, I know I have put people on a pedestal, I guess it is learning to trust and know who can and who is the right person to talk to at that moment.

    If it is festering inside then yes it does need to come out, I know if you are like me you trust nearly no one but there are people even me who will listen if you need to rant or vent, yes we or myself might not have the right answers or the right words (like now I fear I could be saying a load of shit you don’t want to hear, and doesn’t make sense), but the last thing I want is you to not have a voice.

    Because we all deserve to be able to speak up.

    Sorry to ramble so long, sorry if I do not have the answers I just do not want to see you hurt like this and I am so sorry you are.
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    As a person who has spent the major part of her life with both feet firmly in mouth, I can relate.
    That said, sometimes things just have to be aired before they turn nuclear.
    Sometimes the person on the receiving end can get upset, but once the door (can of worms) is open, it can lead to a calmer discussion.
    Letting it out in no way makes you a bad person, just someone who really needs to express their thoughts and feelings.
  8. pisces1

    pisces1 Well-Known Member

    I could have written this myself :distress:
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I agree pisces, I'm the same. I have great character and humor but keep it inside incase I say something wrong. Freya :hug: xxxx
  10. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I do not think it is selfish to say things you need to say to feel heard or to feel like you are an equal person or that your thoughts have validity. If the other person is upset for a bit then so be it- still does not make it wrong to say. It is not your job to spend your life and all of your energies trying to placate an ego or the feelings of anybody- much less somebody that you consider to be worth your time as a friend because if that is the only way you can communicate - by not communicating- then they are not worth your time. It is okay to agree to disagree on some things even if friends and preferable to simply feeling like you are not entitled to any expression or opinion at all.
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