Work Is Ruining My Life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gavbrash, Sep 3, 2009.

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  1. gavbrash

    gavbrash Member

    Hi all.

    I've posted about wanting to die here once before, and that was last year. Here's the thread to be specific: http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=48167

    Anyway... I'm 17 now. I have had a job since January 09 which is when I got kicked out of higher education. I've been on/off depressed since October 2007 but have always tried to battle through it bottling everything up, until the 6th Form were monitoring my web browsing and saw I'd been here. They told my mother who did nothing but act as if I was a freak because of it. Obviously I had to bullsh*t them all that I wasn't depressed but I don't think they bought it.

    So basically, work is ruining my life. I'm the only IT Systems Maintenence staff in the entire office, and I'm beginning to hate everybody I work with. My Managing Director is so incompetent and lazy that he asks me to scan measly pieces of paper for him. He even left a document on my desk this morning for when I arrived. And that's what really annoyed me and took me over the edge this morning. Today was one of the worst days I've ever had there. Both him and the other MD even spell my name wrong in every e-mail they send. Apparently there is an E in Gavin. I think f*cking not you morons.

    Work is beginning to turn me in to a cynic, which is what my ex-boss said would happen due to working in IT. I'm always talking to people as if they should know what to do, making my whole attitude sound condescending and arrogant.

    My relationship with my mother has deteriorated to the point of I literally can't stand to even look at her without wanting to drop the b*tch with my left hand all because we work together. I'm always getting frustrated at the tinyest little things and it's slowly turning me insane.

    Due to the fact I work Mon-Fri, 8-5, I'm always tired by Saturday and therefore never see any of my former friends. I say former because none make the effort to invite me places and I feel like I'm intruding or trying to invite myself without being wanted. That's fine because I'm not a people person at all but it's all in all contributing to my p*ss poor state of mind.

    I've never felt this low in quite some time and really need some insight on if any of you have been through anything remotely connected to similarities in my situation, and if you've got anything to suggest.

    I'm really needing the morale/self-esteem booster at the moment as everything about me is at a great big fat zero. My pent-up aggression from years of bottling up is one of the worst contributing factors in this but I'm too small of stature/strength to do anything about it.

    Take this as you will, but even writing this makes me feel selfish for taking up valuable time of those reading who more than likely have better things to be doing. No offense to any of you who enjoy helping out on here, but I can't help feel I'm not in any position to be deserving help from those who, no doubt have been through this before, but because none of you know who I am or what background I come from. Nothing about my childhood was difficult. It was just my teenage years which have been f*cking atrocious.

    Call it the normal short stage of teenage depression that most of us go through for attention, but 2 years of on and off total misery is pushing it a bit.


    I can't express in words how grateful I am for you taking the time to read my red blip on the radar. Thanks in advance for any words or advice you offer.

    Gav.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 3, 2009
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey Gavbrash sorry you are feeling so uptight and depressed. It sounds like the IT job is really pissing you off. Is there anyway you can apply for another position quietly mind you to get away from the harrassment. Anger needs to be let out someway i thing if you can take some anger management councilling that would be helpful. I do the same thing let it build up till i explode not a pretty sight very degrading for me. Your mom is not knowing what to do she is perhaps trying to help but is doing more damage. I think you really need to be honest with everyone let them know how depressed you are. I think if you don't have a therapist tell you parents you need someone to talk to to open up to. Maybe your GP can order you some antidepressants to take the edge of these feelings. You did good coming here as you deserve help as the next guy please never feel like you can't just come here to vent to get help we are here to help to listen. I have alot of problems too and this place is a god send. Try to open up be honest with parents if not phone crisis line just to talk get things off your chest so you don't explode okay take care vent here anytime
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that life has been shitty lately. Is there a way that you could find a better job? A job that doesnt piss you off? And perhaps you need someone to talk to, to relieve your frustration? Either professional or personal....so that you can relieve some of the anger you have...it's not good to bottle things up...
     
  4. Chernarus

    Chernarus Well-Known Member

    For me most of my aggression towards my family was due to my depression it made me down and angry all the time so bad i got two felonies and 7 misdemeanors for my aggression towards my family but i didnt hurt anyone physically just threatened to because i have a deathly fear of cops, they called the cops because arguments with my family were out of control; luckily i only got charged with one felony and had the rest dropped. But i to thought i was to little or week to do anything but i really scared my family to the point were they didnt want anything to do with me. I recomend seeing a psychiatrist and maybe a therapist to get meds like a mood stabilizer or maybe some anti-depressants. I know every one hates both of those things but when you get the right people for the job it really helps. Believe me you can even read some of my earlier posts i believed the same but you got to stick in there and keep trying and be warned but not discouraged that most of the help out there is bull shit. It took me 2 years before i got the help i needed but now im as happy as i was before i was depressed.
     
  5. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    Gavin,

    I can seriously agree that work is ruining my life. I'm 17 too. But I dred going to work. I dred dealing with asshole customers who throw money and shit at me. I'm tired of never being good enough for my managers when I work my fucking ass off. And most of the time. On my way home (10 pm) I almost always want to drive into a pole. It's that bad. You're not alone.

    I'm here if you need to talk. And I'm glad you came back if you need the help. You say you have all former friends, well you can have friends on here. Most of the people on here are like family.
     
  6. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    You do deserve the help. So no worries. You aren't wasting anyones time. I'm sorry to here that things aren't going too great right now.. As I've said before, you can always PM me. I'll listen to you. :hug:

    Keep your head up

    -Rachel
     
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