Hi all. I've posted about wanting to die here once before, and that was last year. Here's the thread to be specific: http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=48167 Anyway... I'm 17 now. I have had a job since January 09 which is when I got kicked out of higher education. I've been on/off depressed since October 2007 but have always tried to battle through it bottling everything up, until the 6th Form were monitoring my web browsing and saw I'd been here. They told my mother who did nothing but act as if I was a freak because of it. Obviously I had to bullsh*t them all that I wasn't depressed but I don't think they bought it. So basically, work is ruining my life. I'm the only IT Systems Maintenence staff in the entire office, and I'm beginning to hate everybody I work with. My Managing Director is so incompetent and lazy that he asks me to scan measly pieces of paper for him. He even left a document on my desk this morning for when I arrived. And that's what really annoyed me and took me over the edge this morning. Today was one of the worst days I've ever had there. Both him and the other MD even spell my name wrong in every e-mail they send. Apparently there is an E in Gavin. I think f*cking not you morons. Work is beginning to turn me in to a cynic, which is what my ex-boss said would happen due to working in IT. I'm always talking to people as if they should know what to do, making my whole attitude sound condescending and arrogant. My relationship with my mother has deteriorated to the point of I literally can't stand to even look at her without wanting to drop the b*tch with my left hand all because we work together. I'm always getting frustrated at the tinyest little things and it's slowly turning me insane. Due to the fact I work Mon-Fri, 8-5, I'm always tired by Saturday and therefore never see any of my former friends. I say former because none make the effort to invite me places and I feel like I'm intruding or trying to invite myself without being wanted. That's fine because I'm not a people person at all but it's all in all contributing to my p*ss poor state of mind. I've never felt this low in quite some time and really need some insight on if any of you have been through anything remotely connected to similarities in my situation, and if you've got anything to suggest. I'm really needing the morale/self-esteem booster at the moment as everything about me is at a great big fat zero. My pent-up aggression from years of bottling up is one of the worst contributing factors in this but I'm too small of stature/strength to do anything about it. Take this as you will, but even writing this makes me feel selfish for taking up valuable time of those reading who more than likely have better things to be doing. No offense to any of you who enjoy helping out on here, but I can't help feel I'm not in any position to be deserving help from those who, no doubt have been through this before, but because none of you know who I am or what background I come from. Nothing about my childhood was difficult. It was just my teenage years which have been f*cking atrocious. Call it the normal short stage of teenage depression that most of us go through for attention, but 2 years of on and off total misery is pushing it a bit. I can't express in words how grateful I am for you taking the time to read my red blip on the radar. Thanks in advance for any words or advice you offer. Gav.