I have to work tonight. I’m not looking forward to it. I haven’t been in since last week when a few minutes before my shift my partner decided to tell me they met someone else. I must have looked like a mess, an elderly man passed me on my way to my post and told me I looked “trashed or stoned”. I feel so isolated now that they’re gone and when I work I’m forced to stare at happy groups of couples and friends which stresses me out. I’m trying to refrain from self harming but it’s an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness lately. I had been expressing that I’ve been having suicidal thoughts lately and that my self-harming was creeping up again to my partner. On one hand I feel like if I had kept my mouth shut about it I might have been more pleasant to talk to and less leavable. Having them around pushed me to do things socially (I’m agoraphobic and have had panic disorder and depression all my life), so now I feel like I’m back to square one, again. And I don’t want to do this anymore. Just had to vent that.