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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kiba, May 22, 2014.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    How does one know if they are properly being able to handle their job? I've had this job since the 31st of March. Now I was in training up until about 2 weeks ago or so. I've been having a lot of headaches and recently fleeting suicidal thoughts.. As well as a lot of physical pains that doctors can't seem to tell me whats going on. My jobs entails computer work and being on the phone all day.. which is probably why I'm getting headaches.. Before this I was on disability income. Right now I like my job.. I just also dread it at the same time.. It's not the job I don't think. Just the pain of going and fighting myself every day. I'm getting tired of taking pain meds pretty much every to every other day.

    Disability doesn't give you much to live on. This job gives me more in 1 paycheck then SSI gives me in a month.. But I am feeling like I am fighting my body constantly. I feel like I'm fighting my thoughts that seemingly come and go like that about suicide. Before this job I didn't know what to do with my life. I still don't know. I don't know where I am going.

    I guess I am asking, how does one know if they are managing work or not? how does one decide what is best for their physical and mental health? I feel trapped.. I feel like either way I will feel like crap. Be it these physical pains or mentally feeling useless. I want to do more with my life, but I wish I wasn't in pain every single day. I wish I didn't feel like I was constantly fighting my physical and mental body. I feel constantly in fatigue. But I am doubtful I will feel any different regardless of if I have a job or not. If anything, I was feeling so much more useless without one.. Maybe I just need a less draining job? One I could take my service dog with me to? i don't know..
  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Have you ever thought that the physical pains and fatigue may be related to your depression? I think you should stick at your job, given time you will feel more comfortable and confident in what you are doing and may feel your mood pick up slightly. I've been in my job for nearly 2 years and I still panic some days so it's fairly normal to be anxious about work, especially as you have only just started it. Give it some time and hopefully you will begin to feel much better.
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Yea, I have thought of that.. I think these headaches I've had for the past week are all stress related.. my voc rehab person said we should try using dimmers so I guess thats my next step..