Working hard not to cut (trigger warning)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by crunchie, Jun 14, 2012.

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  1. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    Right now all I can think of is the feeling I get when I cut myself. The odd sensation of blood running down my arm, the pain and blood taking me away from the thoughts I have. Everything is so dark. In one way I would like to stay in this darkness. It is all- consuming. So the scalpel is on the table, ready to relieve me for a little while. I so need relief. I need to get all the feelings of today out. It has been too much again, and I am falling faster and faster towards the dangerous eternal darkness.
  2. Tashok

    Tashok Member

    Cutting is your pressure-relief valve. It was mine too, for a long time. And you know what? That's okay. You're still a good person, a brave person, and a strong person. It's not a healthy coping mechanism, but it's also not the worst one you could choose. I'm guessing you wouldn't be bothering to post anything here if some part of you didn't want to stop. That's the first step - you have to want it. People can stop because other people want them to, guilt that their loved ones are distressed, but that only holds for so long. Once you want it, it's a slow road to recovery. I've found cutting is like any other addiction. Some days are easier than others. You'll probably relapse more than once. But each time it'll get just a little easier to resist. You'll find other ways to cope, better ways to relieve the pressure and stress and pain. One day you'll be able to look back and say "I used to be a cutter, but I beat it". I know you can do it. In the meantime... it's okay. You're still a good person.
  3. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    I didnt cut myself in the end this time.. I was considering it for a long time, but managed to talk myself out of it. It helped me to read other peoples threads, and it sort of diverted me to be in here. Today was another hard day, but I have been with friends all day, managing to seem semi-normal at least..
  4. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member


    I'm glad you did not cut this time ... keep it up, things get better!

    It feels like self-harm is the only option, at the moment. I understand how this feels and you must be in a really bad place right now, and I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. I’d like you to consider 4 things right now.

    1) Why do you need to hurt yourself? What has made you want to do this?

    2) Have you been in this situation before? What did you do to deal with it then? How did you feel about it then?

    3) What are the things you have done that have helped you to ease the discomfort? What coping mechanisms have you tried? Can you try any more? What else can you do that won’t hurt you?

    4) Will you regret this decision later on? How will you feel about it tomorrow? Do you still really WANT to do it?

    You should try making a contract with yourself :)

    Side note - Please keep in mind that you have to personalise your contract to make sure you stick to it.
  5. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    I really appreciate this.. The list really helped me, I realize I dont know the answers to most of these questions. I need to figure those things out, and maybe, just maybe that can help me find my way out of the hell I have been living in..
  6. Sea Sparkles

    Sea Sparkles Well-Known Member

    Let's work it out together? :) Tell me your answers to the questions.

    You could try something called "Urge surfing

    The general gist of urge surfing is where you tell yourself, “If I still want to self harm in 20 minutes, then I can.” In 20 minutes, re-evaluate your position and tell yourself, “If I still want to self harm in 30 minutes, then I can.” Keep doing this. Try to go to sleep – things seem less intense when there is morning sunlight.

    We get lost in the moment so easily and we think that these feelings, these urges, these cravings are never going to go away. But they will. They will pass, just like every other emotion. We just need to give it some space and give it some time, and accept it for what it is. It is a craving. We don’t need to act on it just yet.

    Here is a link that helps explain it a bit ... SURFING.htm
  7. Tashok

    Tashok Member

    That's awesome! I'm proud of you. I'm glad you were able to use this forum to help, and that you got out and about with your friends. =) (I know this reply is more than a month late, but hopefully you'll see it. I haven't been online lately.) Hope you're continuing to kick the cutting habit's ass!
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