She's followed me to this place. That's definitely not a good thing--I don't mean SF, I mean this place emotionally. I think I dragged her down before I left so long ago... and now I'm back, with a few new skills. I can blend better, act normal, talk normal, seem normal. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that I actually am normal, but I always eventually end up here again (emotionally I mean, not necessarily on SF). I've finally kicked the SI habit out completely, though it took no small amount of will-power, but I'm back and she's still where I left her. I'm scared. What do I do? Do I reach out, try to pull her back to where I am, make it easier for her to destroy me again? Risk falling again myself? Is it really better here, pretending, then there, feeling it for real? Do I leave her as she left me? Do I hurt her like she hurt me? I'm really making this short, I know. I like being here (emotionally), and I'm afraid if I reach out to her I'm going to join her down there. I don't want that. But here I am, skipping class again... I think maybe it's going to return whether I like it or not. So, do I risk it? Why, no matter how I try, can I not get more specific, more detailed about what's going on? How come this is as big an explanation as I can make?