My GOD! I excelled myself today. Standing in the garden, lift the lid, bent down to get the contents out, the lid smashes down on my face. It didn't hurt too much (although it is now a huge lump and I am looking at two potentially black eyes tomorrow). What do I do? Normally I would carry on, lift the lid, prop it open, carry on. But no, today, I decided I was just going to burst into tears there and then. How fucking pathetic, it didn't hurt, I wasn't shocked as such, it just seemed in that moment like too much had gone wrong and I couldn't go on anymore. Unfortunately my mum was there. I never cry infront of people but I couldn't stop it. It's so shameful and pathetic. She told me that it was because right now I am so low, so down, and have so much going on. Maybe she is right, I am certainly crying anytime I am alone, anything reduces me to tears. But I just can't believe it. I feel like a prize fool. God knows what my mum was really thinking, I know what she really thinks and stuff. After my little crying spell I just carried on with what I was doing, laughing and joking like nothing had happened. Desperately trying to hide my embarassment and shame. I am the lowest of the low, the Scummiest, most worthless, and most fucking pathetic person. Tomorrow I make myself pay for that.