Worn out, frustrated, triggered, depressed

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by frantic, Dec 26, 2012.

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  1. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    the main thing is, i don't know if i still have a job. i was working as a seasonal worker at toys'r'us, but they knew from the get go that i was hoping to get a permanent position afterwards (they asked me). well, monday was the last day of the season. we were closed tuesday. i have no hours scheduled for the rest of this week, like some other seasonals. when i left monday evening, nobody said anything. so i asked the hr manager, and she said it was up to the store manager, and that he would let me know wednesday (tomorrow). if they don't keep me, i don't understand why. i'm not trying to brag, and i'm not delusional, but i was really the best team member they had on the floor. even the ones that have been there for years came to me for advice. the assistant hr manager said to me "you're like a superstar on the sales floor". everybody told me how impressed they were with me. the customers loved me. i was so sure they would keep me. i keep wondering if there was a hidden test somewhere that i somehow failed.

    i love this job. this job is what has kept me going through the last two months. i enjoy helping customers and making people happy, and the work environment there is absolutely awesome. it's a true team, or more like family. i'll be devestated if i lose this job.

    also, i don't have a therapist anymore. i hadn't made an appt with her for a while, because i was either sick or working. and apparently she saw that as i don't want to come back and closed my case.so, no more therapist.

    i attempted three times in september and october. the last one almost killed me. i keep having flashbacks of those attempts, especially the last one, during which the cops broke one of the windows on our car to get to me. the window still hasn't been replaced, we taped a shower curtain in its place. i get triggered when i look over at that windwo. i get triggered when i see an ambulance or police car, sometimes fire trucks too. looking at the huge scars on my wrists triggers me. the flashbacks are really getting to me.

    so now i'm feeling really low, depressed, i want to hurt myself.
     
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I hope when the phone call comes that it will be good news for you frantic - I can understand how you must be feeling. Do be prepared to ask them questions on the phone (if that's what they do) if it turns out to be what you are dreading, and don't be afraid to tell them something of what you've written above.

    And if you know inside yourself that you haven't finished yet with therapy - you have every right to go back and make another appointment - don't let her call the shots for you when you are her bread & butter. :)
     
  3. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    still haven't heard anything about my job. i was going to call later, but my husband just called me from toys'r'us to see if i wanted him to buy some halo stuff for the kids. so i asked him to check on the job for me.

    it's so frustrating, even if monday was my last day, nobody said anything when i left. no bye, good job, nothing. just clock out and leave, like any other day.

    i really feel like crap now.

    got so much to do, and no energy now.

    just went off on the post office people. after five weeks they still haven't started forwarding our mail. they stopped delivering our mail to the old house on the first, like they were supposed to, so they obviously got and processed our form, but then instead of forwarding our mail, they just decided to retun everyting to sender. and we've been calling and going there and everything. now theyr'e saying it will be at least another week before they start forwarding our mail. it's already been five freaking weeks. i'm so pissed and frustrated. crap like that is the reason people are rather using ups or fedex, and the postal service is going belly up. can't really call that service anymore.
    and i also went off on the comcast people. just got the new bill, and they charged us something they weren't supposed to charge and didn't give us a credit they were supposed to tive us. so i had to get that fixed. plus, comcast is going up. quite a bit.

    i'm really not in the mood to deal with crap like that. i try not to take it out on the person i'm talking to, but i also need ot let them know just how pissed and frustrated we are.
     
  4. frantic

    frantic Well-Known Member

    it's over. i'm officially unemployed again. i wish i at least had a reason. a major screw up or someting.

    never, not once, in my life have i lost a job. never.

    i loved that job. i was damn good at it.

    can't stop crying.

    fuck this. this damn fucking life just can't stop kicking me in the face. why the hell did i think things would be different this time.

    ist' just not worth it.
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    I am truly sorry to hear that frantic, especially about the job. I suppose it was considered by the employer as a seasonal position, but very bad of them not to confirm this with you on its last day :( You could go back to the store and request they write you a reference at least for your cv - because it will help you to find another placement - they cannot refuse to do that, and after they have written you one, there might be an opportunity to say how sorry you were to have to leave them - it's just a suggestion of something you could do which would take the sting out of it a little?

    Organisations and beauracracies (spelling?) are very good at stuff ups, it's best not to take it personally at all, I know it's frustrating for you at a bad time, but the truth is, it happens a lot of the time to most people. I am sorry that it has coincided with everything else though :(
     
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