(Not really sure where to post this. Was originally intended for the "How Are You Feeling Right Now?" thread, but it turned into its own rant, so I decided to post it here.)
Am looking for input.
I'm upset and worried. I'm still thinking that my rats would have a better life living with someone else or even back at the rescue. I can't shake it. They're in their cage most of the time because I don't necessarily trust them running around in my room, and rats are supposed to have plenty of time outside their cage and more intellectual enrichment than I've been giving them. And I don't really have space in my room to set up a playpen for them even just at times. I can't really take them out of my room much because my roommate and his girlfriend smoke all over the house and they have delicate respiratory systems.
I have been feeding them fine, but a lot of people like to give them supplementary fruits and vegetables on top of their pellet diet, and I've only been feeding them their main food, so their diet is boring. Like their lives I guess.
I've had them for over a month now and I don't feel like I've bonded with them as much as I'd like. It's totally on me (besides Hugo being so bashful which makes it a little hard to bond with him) because I haven't really felt able to spend as much time with them as I need.
I love them, which is why I want the best for them, even if it's not with me. I know there are no guarantees that if I gave them back to the rescue their next family would be better. But it's causing me a lot of feelings of anxiety and guilt. I feel very sad at the thought of giving them up, but also kind of calm in a concerning way.
When it comes down to it, I can't see myself being a good owner for any pet right now. I think maybe I am too self-centered, or somehow broken deep down. I've always wanted to have a lot of animals, but I can't see myself handling any sort of illness in them well. I am limited in budget as well as transportation to vet's offices. And even the upkeep of the cage and my room has been hard to motivate myself to do. I don't even think I've been changing the bedding often enough
I had my doubts even before I got them. I should have listened to the thoughts. It's possible that I've had an uptick in suicidal thoughts since adopting the rats because this just makes me feel so trapped. I don't want to have to tell anybody that I had to get rid of them, and I don't want to say goodbye. But it might be better for them and me if I talk to the rescue.
It's kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't because I feel guilty about the way I've been keeping them but equally guilty about the thought of sending them back. I'm really not sure how to figure out what I'm thinking. I should probably at least bring up my concerns with the rescue and see if they have any suggestions on how to deal with them. But I feel bad even thinking this. They're so amazing and they deserve the world, but I don't know if I can give them that.
Am looking for input.
I'm upset and worried. I'm still thinking that my rats would have a better life living with someone else or even back at the rescue. I can't shake it. They're in their cage most of the time because I don't necessarily trust them running around in my room, and rats are supposed to have plenty of time outside their cage and more intellectual enrichment than I've been giving them. And I don't really have space in my room to set up a playpen for them even just at times. I can't really take them out of my room much because my roommate and his girlfriend smoke all over the house and they have delicate respiratory systems.
I have been feeding them fine, but a lot of people like to give them supplementary fruits and vegetables on top of their pellet diet, and I've only been feeding them their main food, so their diet is boring. Like their lives I guess.
I've had them for over a month now and I don't feel like I've bonded with them as much as I'd like. It's totally on me (besides Hugo being so bashful which makes it a little hard to bond with him) because I haven't really felt able to spend as much time with them as I need.
I love them, which is why I want the best for them, even if it's not with me. I know there are no guarantees that if I gave them back to the rescue their next family would be better. But it's causing me a lot of feelings of anxiety and guilt. I feel very sad at the thought of giving them up, but also kind of calm in a concerning way.
When it comes down to it, I can't see myself being a good owner for any pet right now. I think maybe I am too self-centered, or somehow broken deep down. I've always wanted to have a lot of animals, but I can't see myself handling any sort of illness in them well. I am limited in budget as well as transportation to vet's offices. And even the upkeep of the cage and my room has been hard to motivate myself to do. I don't even think I've been changing the bedding often enough
I had my doubts even before I got them. I should have listened to the thoughts. It's possible that I've had an uptick in suicidal thoughts since adopting the rats because this just makes me feel so trapped. I don't want to have to tell anybody that I had to get rid of them, and I don't want to say goodbye. But it might be better for them and me if I talk to the rescue.
It's kind of damned if you do and damned if you don't because I feel guilty about the way I've been keeping them but equally guilty about the thought of sending them back. I'm really not sure how to figure out what I'm thinking. I should probably at least bring up my concerns with the rescue and see if they have any suggestions on how to deal with them. But I feel bad even thinking this. They're so amazing and they deserve the world, but I don't know if I can give them that.