Worried about kid

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by faradaymom, Aug 21, 2016.

  1. faradaymom

    faradaymom Member

    The title of this thread can be confusing... I'm constantly worried about how MY depressive symptoms affects my teenage son: time spent in bed or in house (prone to agoraphobia), staying in sleepwear, disheveled, loss of my friendships, not able to work because of debilitating anxiety, on and on... How much harm am I causing? Is this fear really about him or myself?

    I have a long history of depression (over 20 years) that I have managed quite well with CBT and medications, until about 4-5 years ago when I went back to school, finished my undergrad, then started on my master's. In addition, I had a hysterectomy and oopherectomy, which caused immediate post-operative menopause. Yikes. My husband is loving and sympathetic; my son is successful with school, sports, friends, etc.

    I have a decent support system; however, when I experienced a major breakdown last winter, many of my "close" family members drifted away. (I've since decided on forgiving them, but not to trust).

    You see...when I look at the above description of my son and husband, I'm thinking, "What the hell am I worried about?" My symptoms of MDD have "moved in" again recently. Like today, for example, I haven't been able to get out of bed--again. He's aware of my depression (at least as much as his cognitive ability allows), but that doesn't mean he's not affected.

    I want to get out of the house and DO things with him, go places ...
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    As most people who know me well here know I did not leave the house for 5 years straight, literally, wouldn't even open the curtains. I do not have children though so I am unsure as of what to do in your situation, does your husband take your child out for shops, fun, anything like that? I think you should contact the ''out and about association'' they assist with help on agoraphobia, just google and it will come up. I am so sorry you are going through this, I truly understand how hard it is and it make me feel like a freak of nature but I have come to learn many many others are in the same position too so please speak up and get help, maybe your doctor can do a house call?
    Not getting out of bed is a classic symptom of MDD, maybe your medications need to be changed or tweaked? You are not alone in this battle, we're here right behind you fighting it with you! I wish you all the best :)
    faradaymom likes this.
  3. faradaymom

    faradaymom Member

    Petal, thanks so much for your support, and for the information on out and about association! You've brought up some very important questions--so glad you're listening.

    Yes, my husband takes him to soooo many places. That is a saving grace. I bet you are aware of the ups and downs of medications; I've tried many. In fact, my psychiatrist is very careful with adjustments. I started take Trintellix 3 months ago, gradually reducing Cymbalta over 2 months. medicines are the way to go anymore. I've had fairly good success changing meds after they lose efficacy, yet I continue to question their effectiveness mixed with all other meds I take! I have the classic SAD, MAD, GAD, ADHD, BI, MDD disorders lol.

    This is what I mean, why do I stress? Do you think it's because I'm missing out?

    I cannot even begin to understand what you have gone through. Feeling like a freak is devastating. I agree that talking with others like us is the most helpful just by knowing we're not alone.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, you are very welcome.

    I am glad you have your husband take your son to so many places, that is brilliant to hear, anxiety and stress,agorpahobia can affect just about anyone, it does not discriminate. I think the reason you are feeling sad is because 1) you are missing out 2) you don't feel ''normal'' staying in all the time 3) afraid of people gossiping about you (could be wrong there) 4)the panic is so bad that every single day is bad for you and stresses you out, 5) missing out on adventures with your son. I know that when I didn't leave the house I would run up the stairs if someone knocked on the door, I was terrified of having to talk to someone or be around someone who I hadn't seen in years and their judgement. Talking sure does help. I'd suggest you send an e-mail to the out and about association and see what they can do for you, what they did for me was contacted my doctor and they agreed upon medicating me and after a while I found it easier to go out a little bit at a time until I fully started going out again. I'm really sorry you are stuck in this situation, it really is not nice :(

    Some days I still find it hard to go outside but i force myself, it's not easy but I believe you can do this. Keep talking to us here, we do care and will listen (hugs)
    faradaymom likes this.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Have you had a heart to heart talk with your son about your concerns about it affecting him or your husband?
    faradaymom likes this.
  6. faradaymom

    faradaymom Member

    I have talked with my son about my depression and how it's sometimes difficult for me to be around a lot of people. Also, we've explained to him about when I'm changing to a new medication, I might not feel well.

    You do bring up the interesting "heart to heart" conversation! Do you have any suggestions? I feel we've been upfront, including info about biology, chemicals in brain...My husband and I are both in the field of science. He seems to understand, but how to be sure, right?

    Should we have more of a casual sit down?
  7. moxman

    moxman Rosie a silly girl, pretending to be serious Forum Pro

    If you feel like it is necessary then yes; whatever makes you feel like you have properly prepared the little guy than do. Some stuff he won't really understands until he gets older; but that is ok. It sounds like he is doing fine; he is playing sports , making friends. It sounds like he has two loving parents that care deeply for him. That is all the little guy needs.
    faradaymom and Petal like this.
  8. faradaymom

    faradaymom Member

    I worry too much; curse of depression. Thanks to all!
  9. Anonymous <3

    Anonymous <3 Active Member

    Considering you've already suffered through depression for 20 years already proves you're strong.
    As a teenager, you'd be surprised at how much we understand.
    I believe that you son, if he ever is upset or depressed, is only like that because his beautiful mother believes she's a freak and is always upset.
    We, as teenagers, are at an impressionable age. However, your son has seen his mother working on a degree, live through all life's obstacles, and yet, still be there for him. If you ever do feel like it'll impact his life, ask him. He loves you. So does your husband. They're there for you. As for your family members, they may have drifted off because they felt that you're were pushing them away. The fact that they're back in your life is great!!
    Your son and husband are also strong. You will live through this. You've been fighting depression for so long, it's time to win that fight.
    DrownedFishOnFire and faradaymom like this.
  10. faradaymom

    faradaymom Member

    Wow. Thanks ever so much for your point of view. It's hard to give myself a break, but you're right --I have survived. I'm grateful for you and others who remind me of all the things I do and have done! This is my son's first year of high school (in US) and I might be panicking. I know in my heart that there is no need for worries; tell my head.

    Bless all of you!
  11. Anonymous <3

    Anonymous <3 Active Member

    Keep up this awesome attitude and you'll soon beat depression!!
    Your son will be fine. School is a whirlpool of exams and homework. If he spends time every now and then with his family and friends, it'll pass easily.
    I have faith in you faradaymom.
    You're already doing so well, there's no need to look on upon yourself :)
  12. faradaymom

    faradaymom Member

    Thank you