Worried I might do something stupid

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by skywalker540, Sep 15, 2015.

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  1. skywalker540

    skywalker540 Member

    Over the last few weeks I have been getting lower and lower and I just can't seem to drag myself out of it.
    I am bi polar and have serious self harm issues which manifests itself in different ways and have made various attempts on my life since I was 13. <Mod Edit:Methods>

    A few weeks back I was in a new happy relationship and was feeling pretty ok, so much so that I felt confident enough to tell my then partner that I loved him. He proceeded to go quiet, distant and clearly uncomfortable. After a few minutes he ended the relationship and walked away from me for good.
    Since then I have felt so low, useless and unworthy of anyones love. It has flared up my self harming and helped to reinforce my own feelings of unworthiness and despair as well as how I perceive myself. I cry at the drop of a hat, constantly think of ending my life and just want a way out of this life where I feel pathetic every day.

    I am currently staying at my parents to look after their dog whilst they are away on holiday which is making me feel even more isolated and lonely. I cry myself to sleep every night and don't know what to do about it. If it wasn't for the fact the dog would starve without me I would have made an attempt on my life <Mod Edit:Methods>

    Sorry to put this on here, I feel like I am attention seeking but I just felt like I needed to offload and get my feelings out there somehow.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome, discussion of suicide methods is prohibited here so I edited your post.

    I am sorry for what you are going through, you don't seem attention seeking at all merely asking for help. Is there something that usually helps you when you are feeling this low? Has writing down your thoughts here helped? Keep talking to us here because there are people who can relate and do care :)
  3. skywalker540

    skywalker540 Member

    Ah sorry I didn't know about those rules. Thank you for editing my post.

    Not being on my own usually helps but I shy away from it and never ask for help as I don't want to bother my friends or people I care about. They have enough things going on in their lives without me contributing to their worries and things.

    Writing it down has helped in some way, I just hate this feeling of not knowing what is going to happen as I very rarely plan things out when I have done something stupid it just happens.
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    the next time you feel the urge to do it, please call a Crisis hotline or call for help. In the meanwhile have you been talking to a therapist about this?
  5. skywalker540

    skywalker540 Member

    Thats part of the problem. I never see my problems as worthy of another persons time be that a friend, family member or stranger. I have tried calling crisis hotlines in the past but hung up pretty much straight away as I feel there could be someone else on the line needing that persons help more than me.
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    You are worth it , those people on the other end of the line want to help you. You are entitled to get the help you need. and EVERYONE needs help now and then.
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