This pain is getting worse. I am so scared I might have to go to the hospital and even more worried I might have to have surgery or something. I am very frustrated by all this and his obvious lack of concern for me. I am going to check with another place for a job tomorrow. Even the places that are hiring haven't called. Too few jobs, too many people applying I guess. Other than that the thought of him makes me sick. I could never take him back. I don't even want to see his ugly face. It disgust me and I feel if I see him I'll throw up. I actually might break down if I see him as all the pain of 10 years of abuse come back to me at once. But I am lonely. I do desire a man who genuinely cares about me just to hold me. A man who thinks I'm beautiful and wants me in his life. Anyway the pain in my side is getting to me. Gonna go lay down again.