Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by centella, Mar 12, 2011.

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  1. centella

    centella Active Member

    Ever since i was a kid i've been obsessed with my weight. I've always felt far too fat, and knew that i needed to do something about it, but i never really tried too hard to lose weight.

    But last November i'd finally had enough and promised myself that i would lose (at least) twenty-eight pounds by June. At first, it went quite well and i lost around a pound a week. Every time i lost even a little, i could notice it, and i always felt amazing and hopeful. But then i sort of let myself go a bit and forgot about my diet or doing any exercise. Then just a few weeks ago, i was feeling really terrible about it, so i went back on the scales to see where i was. I've now resolved that whatever happens, i will lose twenty more pounds to get down to my original goal weight by June.

    This time round, i've been trying even harder to lose it. I only drink water (and never more that a litre a day), i don't eat anything sweet, and dinner is the only meal i'll eat each day (and not even that much of it). I'm losing weight much faster that i was before, but it's not enough. The numbers on the scale are going down, but my clothes don't feel any looser. My stomach is still huge and my thighs are bigger that ever. I don't understand how - if the scales tell me i'm losing - i can't feel it. It's making me paranoid - i think maybe by mum's heard me on the scales all the time and thinks something's wrong, so she's "fixed" then to make me feel better about myself. Or that somebody else is doing it as some kind of cruel joke. I know it sounds crazy, but this is really starting to mess with my head.

    I know i don't have an eating disorder and i shouldn't be posting here, but i'm really worried. Why is it i'm not noticing this weight loss and why does it make me feel so depressed? I'm starting to think the only times i've been happy is when i've just dropped a few pounds. Am worried now that this won't stop. If i keep losing and losing, but still feel fat, could that develop into something worse? I'm actually at my lowest weight ever, but i still feel huge. And i'm worried that if i ever get to my goal weight, that wont be enough. I still won't feel thin enough and i'll need to lose even more. And i'm worried about how i'm losing the weight. At first, i just ate better and exercise, but now i only eat one meal a day. If i get the chance i throw away food, or i'll hide it and tell myself i can eat it later - when i'm thin enough to deserve it. I don't drink too much water 'cause i hate feeling my stomach streaching out, and if i get the chance i'll force myself to throw up. (I know it's a terrible thing to start, but i hardly ever get the chance)

    I'm really sorry, i don't know where i'm going with this. I guess i just need to vent cause i'm so worried about this snowballing into something awful. But, i just want to know, should i be worried? Am i just being paranoid about the whole situation? Or is this something normal that most people go through?
  2. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    don't start throwing up. for one, you're body with subconcisouly realise you're starving yourself and then you'll want to binge and purge. whenever i start restricting i start bingeing and purging, i don't even realise it's starting over again. it's because my body is so prepared to go to extremes to stop me from restricting even though 'i' don't want to binge. your mind can't control everything.

    secondly, you're anxiety is probably cos you're putting your body under stress. your body therefore prods your mind into action so it feels generally anxious trying to work out what's wrong. so the paranoid feeling probably isn't even to do with your scales, but your mind has to have something.

    you know exactly what you're doing and in the same post have expressed recognition it's not ok. no one is going to tell you eating/starving is the way to go!

    you don't have to go down this path. it doesn't help anything, it makes things worse. if you have underlying psych issues sort them out the healthy way with counselling and insight.

    i found it really difficult when people would patronisingly tell me to eat healthy because we live in a society saturated with ideas about healthy is, yet obviously none of htem are working. so i'm not going to patronise you, and i hope i haven't, but i am honest. hey, i'm there so...

    find out what works for you. starving doesn't work. it's about finding a balance,and it takes time. are you overweight? you don't have to answer that. if you're in the healthy range excellent.
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