things are getting worse for me, i dont know what to do anymore. i push everybody away, pick fights with people who are trying to help, i cant even remember the last time i ever felt happy, wanted around, or even just liked. i have lost all my friends, been single for years, and cant even get out of bed most days. its like i have lost the will to hold on. i dont know what to do, im worried that i'll do something stupid soon and yet i refuse help at every turn. its killing me to live like this and i dont know what to do