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worse dream ever

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Shezamura, May 13, 2009.

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  1. Shezamura

    Shezamura Well-Known Member

    Last night... i felt sooo great. I told myself... "hey, i dont feel suicidal anymore"... i was accomplished... I had someone on here get so excited about such a feat... but of course... something just had to happen to take all that away.... all due... to a fucking dream.... a fucking dream I had last night...

    I was looking on myspace and found that samantha had her photos available on her home page... and they were nothing but pictures of her nude and posing in front of a camera... everything was covered either by her hands or her hair.... I couldnt stand to look at it anymore, due to the fact that it was crushing me to see her fall to such a level. I left the computer and was at an EZ Shop somehow and walked inside and found that I had her old cell phone. She had given it to me in the dream so i turned it on and found that she had left me four letters on it... i opened on of them and it talked about how she understands how women can be infront of the camera showing off there bodies...

    I couldnt stand it anymore so i appeared in samantha's room.... I saw some of my stuff still in there, so I started to take all of my stuff off of her walls and what not... then I found a set of large notes hanging above her bed... they seemed to be notes to remind her to do things that day or any other day she couldnt remember to do stuff...curious to what these were, I looked at them for a moment.... on of them said "I need to look my best today and tomorrow!!! I'm gonna love you, love you , and love you some more!!! and when you think your exhausted enough, I'll love you again!!! Le something le something and some more stuff in either spanish or french" note, what she means by "love" samantha means "fuck"... I would know.... I could tell that this reminder wasnt towards me... it was obviously towards someone else...

    I looked deeper into the notes hanging and found one particularly different.... it had a name written over and over again.... the name was something like deffereen de something le rooney ... this was obviously the guys name... she had it written in different ways... she always does things like that... this made my heart beat so fucking fast due to the stress and me being upset by it, i actually woke up from it.... I couldnt stand it.... The first thing i did when i woke up... was imagine her walking in... and blowing my head off.... I feel this feeling still... i cant go but 3 fucking days till i start feeling this way.... i wont kill myself... but i sure feel like doing it.
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Dreams can be such nasty things!!! I used to have dreams about my then husband cheating horribly on me and when I woke up I had such a broken heart but yet a hate on for him like nothing I ever experienced in RL. They say dreams especially vivid ones are to do with something that is bothering us on a subconscious level. I dont know your situation with this person in RL but think about what my have happened recently to make you think and feel this way in your dream. And it takes a lot of strength not to let those types of dreams not effect you afterwards. So please dont be so hard on yourself. Anybody would feel like shit after having "seen" what you did. It is important to talk to others about it and let it go. If you dont the dream can be reoccuring and become a real pain for you to have to bear. Dont necessasrily talk to the person that the dream was about. You are too emotional to have a level conversation about it. But please turn to your friends here or even a therapist if you are seeing one. Glad you were able to share it here. But you really have to try hard to let go of it before it really screws you up. Hope you have sweet dreams tonight hun!
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