Am used to the SI which comes with my depression, but as I age, each battle seems harder and harder. This one is the worst ever. I can't seem to find any motivation to do anything at all. I beg to go, but here I am. I can't seem to find the guts to take the next step but I've never been closer to it than now. All I know is that I can't keep doing this. I can't keep messing up my life and ending up in this place. This is the darkest, loveliest place I've ever known, and I wouldn't wish it in my worst enemy. I'm just so tired. No end in sight. Just feels like too much.