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Worse than ever

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sihuskyzoi, Dec 8, 2011.

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  1. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    Am used to the SI which comes with my depression, but as I age, each battle seems harder and harder. This one is the worst ever. I can't seem to find any motivation to do anything at all. I beg to go, but here I am. I can't seem to find the guts to take the next step but I've never been closer to it than now. All I know is that I can't keep doing this. I can't keep messing up my life and ending up in this place. This is the darkest, loveliest place I've ever known, and I wouldn't wish it in my worst enemy. I'm just so tired. No end in sight. Just feels like too much.
  2. plshelpme

    plshelpme Well-Known Member

    hey. welcome to the forum.

    i'm sorry you're feeling this way. but if it's comforting in any way, most people here know what you're going through. i've been fighting SI for 11 years now. the older i get, the sicker i get of fighting it. i just want to give up. but i keep going...because it always seems to get better. even if it's only for a few months. it does get better. and i enjoy those few months of my life. i had one week in october that was amazing, and for the first time in my life, i didn't regret not killing myself 11 years ago (b/c ever since, i have made new friends who actually give a shit about me, and i don't have the heart to hurt them like that...better that i suffer than them, right?)

    are you seeing anybody? do you have somebody to talk to? you can PM me if you need anything. okay?
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I am so sorry you are feeling this way...if you feel comfortable, please tell us what is going on
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi you I hope you come back and talk to us okay As said lots of people here understand hun so you are not alone in this feelings Keep posting okay let us know how you are doing hugs You are not alone with this struggle anymore we are here when you need us hugs
  5. sihuskyzoi

    sihuskyzoi Well-Known Member

    I'm just so tired. I wake up and am still here. And feel exhausted all over again. I feel so selfish. I get it. I know billions of people are worse off than me right now. I know I need to find the energy to get up and move. But I just want to die. I feel so alone. I have friends that love me, and I talk to them, but I'm overwhelming them. I always thought that certain things would pull me out of this place if I ever finally got to it, but now I'm drowning, and can't understand why that final step is so hard. Tired of crying. Tired of realizing how little control I have. Tired of feeling worthless. Tired of feeling guilty for feeling all of these things. And just tired of feeling tired.
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