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Keep trying, it's gotta be better sometime, just try and relax and take care of you. Think about things that will help/benefit you, possitive, don't give in to the depression, it will take hold. I am here if you need me..... :hug:

:rose: :flowers:


~I'll pray for you,
what can i say that one hasn't heard before? NOTHING!!! it's all been said before. i'm losing touch and my ability to speak (maybe willingness too) is fading quickly.
well here's something. here is what i have decided. i have decided this doesn't matter anymore. nothing matters. i went to see my psych doc this morning and found i couldn't even talk to her. not once did she even ask me how i was doing! not once. she asked me if i was still working. she asked me if i was using. she asked me about dbt, but never once did she ask how i was doing. it doesn't matter even to the professionals.

i finally found my rx sleeping meds and it's an over full bottle of them. i have at least 100 of them. it's just time to sleep (forever). sadness is all i have ever known. oh sure i've had good days every now and then but what the hell? what difference does it make? i am still a shattered mess inside. recovery will never happen. i'm so sad i can't handle it anymore. i wanted to say something to my doc this morning and i just couldn't. i didn't feel then that it didn't make any difference there anyways. I'm tired of the sadness. i am tired of the lonliness. i am tired of life.

i know i have fought the good fight. i have always tried to make good out of bad situations. i have hung in there with people when for a fact (others told me) that others would have long given up in. maybe that sounds stupid on my behalf but i have always wanted to believe there is good in everyone. of course after hanging with people for so long they have always let go of me in the end. now i sit here alone in front of this puter. i've made the final decision when this is going to happen. i have decided where. not that this matters to anyone else, because frankly i don't believe people give a shit. i can't face the holidays another year either. it's only gotten worse with each passing year.

i've said alot here and yet still i find i cannot say what i feel i need to so i'm going to give it up now. take care
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