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#3
Keep trying, it's gotta be better sometime, just try and relax and take care of you. Think about things that will help/benefit you, possitive, don't give in to the depression, it will take hold. I am here if you need me..... :hug:

:rose: :flowers:


:hug:




~I'll pray for you,
Carolyn~:rose:
 
#4
what can i say that one hasn't heard before? NOTHING!!! it's all been said before. i'm losing touch and my ability to speak (maybe willingness too) is fading quickly.
 
#5
well here's something. here is what i have decided. i have decided this doesn't matter anymore. nothing matters. i went to see my psych doc this morning and found i couldn't even talk to her. not once did she even ask me how i was doing! not once. she asked me if i was still working. she asked me if i was using. she asked me about dbt, but never once did she ask how i was doing. it doesn't matter even to the professionals.

i finally found my rx sleeping meds and it's an over full bottle of them. i have at least 100 of them. it's just time to sleep (forever). sadness is all i have ever known. oh sure i've had good days every now and then but what the hell? what difference does it make? i am still a shattered mess inside. recovery will never happen. i'm so sad i can't handle it anymore. i wanted to say something to my doc this morning and i just couldn't. i didn't feel then that it didn't make any difference there anyways. I'm tired of the sadness. i am tired of the lonliness. i am tired of life.

i know i have fought the good fight. i have always tried to make good out of bad situations. i have hung in there with people when for a fact (others told me) that others would have long given up in. maybe that sounds stupid on my behalf but i have always wanted to believe there is good in everyone. of course after hanging with people for so long they have always let go of me in the end. now i sit here alone in front of this puter. i've made the final decision when this is going to happen. i have decided where. not that this matters to anyone else, because frankly i don't believe people give a shit. i can't face the holidays another year either. it's only gotten worse with each passing year.

i've said alot here and yet still i find i cannot say what i feel i need to so i'm going to give it up now. take care
 
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