Worst couple of days in a while - think I need help

[Shock]

Hi all,

I just need some advice. I am having a real rough few days - the worse I have had in a long, long time. I am very, very worried that I am digging a deeper and deeper hole that I will struggle greatly to climb out of. It seems like my usual methods to pick my self up are no longer working.

What I am really worried about is that I am catching myself swearing at and cursing and berating myself out loud. Something will remind me of something stupid I've done in the past or that I regret and I'll just say out loud something like 'You f*#cking idiot. You should have shot yourself then'. Its almost automatic, it will just pop out before I have a chance to stop myself and pick myself up. Its almost like another person is saying it. Worse yet, and most embarrassing, this is happening more and more around other people, though usually when I am its around other people its under my breath.

Also, something that is worry is this is now occurring around situations I thought were good. For example, the other day I had to do a presentation at work. I thought it went well at first but now I have picked it over and over and I feel terrible about the whole thing. I genuinely regret doing it and think every one thinks I am an idiot. But whilst I was doing and and after I felt fine about it. Whats going on...

I am really very much needing some kind of advice to help stop these occurrences - some sort of method to stop this snap of saying something awful about myself before I have a chance stop my self. Can anyone help me out?

 

[Datura]

You are being over analytical and are stuck in the past.

Mindfulness

And for troubling past circumstances:
Radical Acceptance

 

[MoAnamCara]

Hi Shock,

I wonder if its huge self doubt? Especially when you're talking about the work presentation and your doubt afterwards? I think we all do that to a certain extent. We will go back and revisit things we have done and wonder if it was okay, did we do it right, was there a better way to do thing?

I'm sure those at work dont' think you're an idiot. Thats only your opinion of yourself - self doubt in your abilities. Sometimes after doing things at work I'll kick myself for not doing this or that etc.

Try to take it easier on yourself, less with the internal criticism.

As for verbally berating yourself - again you are being hard on yourself. Is there any other way you could get out those feelings? Like doing something physical?

Perhaps come up with something else to say - even if its something completely off the wall - I'll use some verses of songs or some phrases that'll roll off my tongue. So think perhaps of one of two things that you can say to yourself that'll stop the negative thinking a little bit and hopefully calm you down and distract you. (you could fry an egg, if you had an egg or similar!)

Not sure if this helps, but please try to be a little more gentle with yourself.

Take care.