Worst day in a long time

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kp80, Jul 23, 2011.

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  1. kp80

    kp80 Member

    I have literally spent the entire day on the couch. Sometimes crying sometimes just laying. The only thought running through my head is that I just dont want to do this anymore. I want it to all be over. I feel empty and lonely. I have screwed up my life so badly, and I know that I deserve to feel the way I do now. The right thing to do would be to take the pain I deserve but I dont want to anymore. It is just too hard. In the long run I dont think anyone would even care. It just feels like there is no point anymore.
  2. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    What’s happening, hon? We all make mistakes in life. If there is something we can do about the past, we do what we can. Otherwise, we need to let it go and move on with life…

    Do you feel like talking about the pain or why you feel so low now? Please feel free to PM me…

    How you think and feel will change. Please be a good friend to yourself…hang in there…

    hugs :hug:
  3. roscho

    roscho Well-Known Member


    I'd love to hear your situation, if you felt like typing it out. Spending the day on the couch when it's the last place you want to be is emotionally draining.

    I felt like I had screwed up my life pretty seriously, recently, but somebody here said some good things that made me realize it wasn't as bad as I had thought. They helped me work through it a little bit.

    If you post a little more information, or PM, then maybe there are some rays of light for you too.
  4. jkeller4000

    jkeller4000 Well-Known Member

    why are you so worried about what you deserve?

    if i cared what you deserved it would take a long time for me to record all the good things you did, you may not think so, but if we can commit crimes by not doing anything, that means we can do good thigns while not doing any bad things, imagine there are 6 billion people on the world, and today you did not kill any of them! you did nto kill 6 billion people, you are my hero, you helped 6 billion people live! wow i cannot imagine how proud God is of you! you should see me i am smiling right now :) i so happy you did not kill me, i so happy you did nto hurt me! i would give u a hug right now if i could!

    hm, you know i cannot even think that killing anyone would make me think you screwed up your life, the guy who killed my father, if he lived near me i would go talk to him, i would help him if he needed it, and i am sure you would agree a son has every right to hate their fathers killer,

    maybe you could give yourself a huge because my arms seem unable to huge you right now, they don't digitize very good,
  5. kp80

    kp80 Member

    I had everything but it wasnt good enough. I had a husband who loved me and supported me and was there for me and now I am alone. I thought I had found someone who was more fun and more right for me but once he actually got me, he wasnt so interested anymore. Now my husband has found happiness with someone else, and for all the hurt I caused him I get mine in return. He and his girlfriend are being a family with our two kids as I type thing and I miss that life I used to have so much. After 8 years of marriage, where we revolved our worlds around eachother, I have no friends. My husband who was my best friend is gone. The other man I fell in love with is too busy to have anything to do with me. And I am too much of a wreck to even spend time with my kids. I am completely alone. I keep wondering if I died how long it would even take before anyone noticed. And whats sad and pathetic is probably that the only reason I still havent done it today is wondering if my cat would be ok if it took a long time for anyone to find me. I tried all day to will myself to get up and do something, anything at all, but then I kept remembering there was nothing to do. No where to go. No one to talk to. I know its wrong to take your own life, but right now I dont even feel like what I have here even counts as a life. I know I should see a doctor, but with my marriage I lost my heath insurance too. I know Im rambling, it just seems like I had everything and now I have nothing. I just dont know what else to do. Believe me your words and kindness mean something to me and I appreciate it more than I can say. Thats why Im here in that the hope that getting it out might somehow be enough to keep me going at least for tonight.
  6. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    You can get your life back together again, hon. Do what you can now. Start from little things. Get up and go out - go to a park or go window shopping. Or watch a funny movie to change your mood a little bit. When you feel a little better, see if you can spend some time with your kids. You love them. You are always their mom. Nobody can change that…

    Is it possible for you to talk to your children’s father? How long ago did you move out or get divorced? How long has he been with his girlfriend? Maybe you can still let him know how you really feel now?

  7. kp80

    kp80 Member

    I am up this morning and have managed to stay away from the couch so far. Im going to try with all the will power I have to get myself dressed and at least go to the store....
    I love my kids with all my heart and I know they love me, but what good am I to them if I cant even drag my useless self off the couch or the bed. I keep thinking that they have everything they need without me. My daughter called last night and all I could do was cry on the phone, and she knew I was crying. That isnt good for her. I dont want my pain and mistakes to hurt them and I know that they have.
    Is hasnt been too long, but I know he is happy. To break up the new life he has made and is happy with is not fair. He deserves to be happy. I was more than selfish enough during our marriage, to try to take him back for my own sake and hurt him and his girlfriend, who is a good person, would just be more selfishness.
    So I am going to try. I am going to get dressed and try to shut the thoughts in my mind off. And hopefully not end up where I was last night again tonight. Im just afarid if I keep feeling this way, I am only going to be strong enough to hang on for so long.
    I am glad this forum is here though. Even if it doesnt fix how I feel, it somehow makes me feel ever so slightly less alone. Its not the first time the kind words of people I really dont know have gotten me through a night. Thank you.
  8. roscho

    roscho Well-Known Member


    Your sorrow is deep in your posts. I feel the pain in your story. It sounds like you are doing about what I'm doing - trying to get through the day and night.

    Things will change for us both. We'll get new opportunities, and we'll have new chances to rebuild our lives. It's hard to see from where we are both sitting right now, but I believe it with all my heart.
  9. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Dear kp80,

    It’s good to hear that you are doing what you can now…

    It may not be the best for the children to feel that you are sad, but you know it would hurt them much more if you were no longer here for them.

    I was not suggesting that you “break up the new life he has made” - in fact, you do NOT really have the power to do that. Only he can make such choices. I was only asking you if you can still tell him how you really feel now because it is how you really feel now. I don’t know how he would feel about your telling him that. Maybe he’d feel better about being himself while not considering the possibility of reconciling with you. Or maybe how he is with his girlfriend now is not exactly how you think it is… Only he knows the whole picture. It may be helpful for him to know all the possibilities in his life now so he can make a learned decision before too late, which is very important to everyone, including his girlfriend and your children. It would be helpful to the kids if you can at least remain to be friends…

    Don’t feel ashamed or guilty for what happened in the past. It’s part of being human. Be a good friend to yourself. Be true to your real feelings now and do what you can… I hope your (window) shopping goes well :)

    With loving wishes and hugs
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