Worst in a while.

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by blackriver981, Nov 16, 2011.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. blackriver981

    blackriver981 Member

    This is probably the worst day I've had in a while.
    It's been a minute since I really thought about taking my own life.
    It's a good thing I don't have anything truly useful at my disposal right now.

    I haven't self-injured in over two weeks and I'm about to cave.
    It might be the only thing that keeps me on some kind of even keel.

    This shit sucks.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    do you want to say why?
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi keep talking to us okay let us know what is happening i hope you can stay safe hun call someone perhaps okay talk to someone hugs
  4. blackriver981

    blackriver981 Member

    A lot of things I had chosen to run from are coming back on me. I can't run anymore.
    It was really ugly when it dawned on me that I have no one to call.
    I had the urge to get into my car a while ago and drive to the state park about 30 minutes from my house and fling myself off of a cliff when my mother informed me that she needed gas in her car tomorrow for work - and she knew I wouldn't want her going to get it alone in the dark. So I went for her.

    I've had a lot of things happen and I told myself about six months ago that I could make it as long as I didn't have to take another serious blow in the near future... and then it happened. I'm not cut out for this.


    What tells me that it's bad this time is that my stomach has been torn up for three days and my hair is falling out again. I already keep it dyed because it's been gray for several years. I'm nineteen. It hadn't fallen out since my sister was killed. I don't know what to do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 17, 2011
  5. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    do you want to say what the most recent problem was?

    I'm sorry to hear about your sister's death. do you want to talk about that?

    does your mom know that you are suicidal?

    would it help to tell her?
  6. blackriver981

    blackriver981 Member

    Most recent problem is with my dad. I'm not sure what to say about my sister's death - I think I run from it most of the time. It would probably make things worse to tell my mother because she doesn't take calamity well at all. It's gotten a little less rough over the past couple days but I feel it coming back. It's hell.
  7. BK_Jetsfan

    BK_Jetsfan Well-Known Member

    I'm a runner too. And I've been doing it for 37 years. So I get your pain. And like you, my depression ALWAYS fucks up my stomach. The worse I am, the worse it is. The good thing about this site, and the people on this site, is that we all get it. We (for the most part) don't make you feel bad about feeling the way you do, or make you feel like an insane asshole. So coming here and spilling your guts may be good for you. I'm pulling for you!
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.