Worst thing about suicide

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Caska, Jun 15, 2010.

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  1. Caska

    Caska Active Member

    I think the worst thing about suicide (at least for non terminally ill
    non assisted suicide) is that I have to do it in secret. No one will
    be there to support me when I die. I cannot speak with anyone I
    know, because they will call the police and put us in a loony bin.

    I have to wrap things up as best I can, linger around knowing I
    will die, and then wait for the right opportunity to do so. It is
    very frustrating, I cannot even really speak to anyone I know, except
    to have a fake conversation...

    No opportunity to say good bye...except some hastily written suicide
    note that will be misinterpreted as the ramblings of a mentally ill

    I have not had much comfort in life, not blaming anyone, just that I am usually alone and isolated, and I guess it is not a surprise I will die alone in isoltion.
  2. Tobes

    Tobes Well-Known Member

    I feel your pain Caska, and can relate.

    I was where you are not long ago, as many people here probably are, and I bet from where you stand things look bleak. But it can, it does, and it will get better, if you want it to (and I really hope you do). You just need to make some changes. Small ones first, take your time, and keep moving forward. Your life is more important than you will ever know.

    Like I said in the first paragraph, I was in the same situation. Almost exactly. I wanted to be gone, and didn't care what actions I took to make it happen. I was stuck in this stage for a year, and lived my life doing the bare minimum (effort wise, social wise, etc). As nearly all ideators think, I thought I was stuck like this and that things wouldn't change. Totally wrong.

    Things started turning my way, and it got better damn fast. I started thinking differently, got a job (not by choice, which ended up a good thing, dread aside), started socializing more, through work, and started looking up instead of down. In retrospect I was lucky, but this sort of thing can happen to anyone. Now, I'm a lot happier, and much more better of than I was in '09, or just a couple months ago. The thoughts hit me from time to time, but they don't stick around long.

    Do you think you can make some changes? Think hard. Even a small one, like taking up a hobby, will do. If you can do this, you can start from there, develop, and put this stage behind you. As Lao Tzu said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”

    I'm sure the prospect of a happy life is more favourable than that of a sad death.
  3. Caska

    Caska Active Member

    No, it is beyond that. I cannot do that anymore. Now I only await death. It is very lonely and boring. This society has made you die by suicide in secret, it is a shame.
  4. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    If it's so frustrating to kill yourself, why do it?

    What is so bad about your life? Isolation, you are better than that.
    To get over that, try basic exercises, go out, talk to people.
    Start conversations, small ones at first and then see where each one takes you.

    You're only as isolated as you allow yourself to be.
  5. Caska

    Caska Active Member

    I appreciate your advice, truly, but it does not encompass everything that is wrong. I am not frustrated by the killing myself, I am frustrated by the waiting. I have some things to complete before I can die, I hope to finish them ASAP, that is what is frustrating.
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