I'm really starting to try to figure out my numeric worth. I figure it's really low. I'm 18 so I don't really know if being young is worth more or less. I'm a high school drop-out because I tried to kill myself, failed and just stopped showing up to school, I imagine that brings my worth down a lot. Also, the fact that I was a born from sexual assault and only kept due to religious reasons really makes me feel like crap. I recently found this out. I now think of how can anyone look at me and see something they want, wanted, need, or needed? Since my dad died I've lost hope of ever doing anything with my life because he was supposed to help me get back on my feet and now I have nobody to help me do that that I want to burden anymore. I feel like my brother isn't my brother anymore since I found out my father wasn't my real father. I live with my brother, his wife, and his children and I feel so unwanted here. I suppose the only reason he lets me stay is because of my mother. His wife doesn't like me, sees me as another bill they can't pay. I can't find a job and my 'brother's' friends continuously insult me for it and look down on me. My mother lives with her boyfriend now in Arizona, US while I'm here in Texas, US. Everyday since my father died I haven't felt the slightest shred of hope or desire for anything. Even since before I started living with my father, I've felt worthless, unneeded, and unwanted. Especially since I had no real friends or academic prowess. I can't remember a day I haven't wanted to and thought of killing myself just like my father did. No one wants me around. I can't pull myself up and I'm having serious doubts I can find help online. I don't know what to do anymore and I just feel like dying. I mean a person without friends, family, hopes, or desires... is that even a person anymore? I imagine my worth is at most 0. Could go into the negatives. Maybe a 1 since one time I did... nah, can't really think of one useful thing I've ever done.