Worthless existance

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by A_Loser, Sep 13, 2007.

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  1. A_Loser

    A_Loser Well-Known Member

    Goddamn, don't even know how to start this shit ....

    Um, i'm 20 year old guy and my life is such a piece of garbage it's beyond belief.

    Had a girlfriend, but i guess that was an accident, cause if you met me you wouldn't believe someone like me could ever, in a million years, have a girlfriend. She wasn't into me much anyways, nor did she love me at all. When i say that girl with whom i been for almost 2 years didn't want to kiss me cause she "didn't like it" - her words, then you can imagine how much of a loser i am.
    She finally realized that i was a worthless piece of shit so she eventually broke up with me and that was the best thing she ever did.

    Needless to say i can't get a girlfriend if i was a last man alive. I have social skills of a rock and on top of that i'm ugly/unattractive whatever you want to call it.

    I don't have friends, never did, never will. Only one with whom i have contact with (cell phone only) is my ex-girlfriend, at which i'm jealous cause ... well, cause she has a life and is out having fun and making the most of it, needless to say she has looks of a Nubian godess so she gets everything she wants.
    Which is making me feel even more worthless, so go figure.
    Can't even break of contact with her, cause then i'd have no one, thats how pathetic i am.

    Every day is a fucking struggle, before i go to bed i pray i never ever wake up, but unfortunately i do, and i dread that feeling ... feeling of being alive.

    I didn't leave my house in 5 months ... video games, TV, anti-depressives and booze are all i have. I know exactly what every day is gonna be like, thats how i wasted 2 years so far and thats how i'll waste the rest of my life.

    So, whats the point in going on when you have nothing? When every day is the same shit over and over again? Will it change? No, read up that i'm ugly and have no social skills, have BDD on top of it and Social Anxiety as well.
    Theres no way out ... well, thats wrong .. actually there is, and thats the best way there could ever be.

    Life is crap ... deceptions, lies, wars, death, love is one big pile of crap as well.

    I heard a phrase somewhere :"The weak will perish". And thats the most true thing i've ever heard. In order to fully enjoy life you have to be outgoing, funny, good looking (or at least decent), ambitious, bla, bla, bla .... those of us who're not that are simply better of dead ... well, i'll speak for myslef and say i'm better of dead.

    Sry, nothing good to say, only my friggin' problems. Guess i needed to rant somewhere
  2. gag

    gag Well-Known Member

    As far as being ugly you're being too hard on yourself, I'd consider myself one ugly bastard, but its never slowed me down, I mean, why should it? The more you worry about it the worse it makes you feel.

    And as far as not leaving the house and being avoidant, I'm a bit avoidant too, trying to work on it.
    I mean, if you're suicidal, whats the worst that can hapen if you throw yourself in a few social situations? Say whatever you want, if people don't like you, who cares man? At this point theres nothing to lose, atleast thats how I see it.

    I can somewhat relate to the stuff you're saying, I am a fairly avoidant, I'm ugly, my girl tossed me away like moldy cheddar, and I don't much care about life.

    If you just go out and try to meet people or something things will get a bit better, and if they don't, they atleast won't get any worse.

    And on the up side, atleast your ex talks to you, mines too busy with other guys.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2007
  3. 89mike

    89mike Active Member

    ya our society is fucked up, the people who are out-going get all the benefits whilst "we" just feel like total shit.
  4. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I'm in the same boat as you A_Loser.
  5. A_Loser

    A_Loser Well-Known Member

    Yeah, i guess you have a point there. But i'm too screwed up to even try to change something. I think, maybe a better word is i fear, if i go out and get more rejections more shit thrown my way that would be it. The end. The final trigger i've been waiting all this time.

    Deep down i still have some glimmer of hope that things might change, and if i get proven wrong ... even by something trivial as girl not wanting to go out with me or a wrong comment from someone, i'd be gone.

    I'd like not to care about my ugliness, but in reality i can't ... as it is one of the major problems that contributed to my current state. To be honest, i can't accept and deal with the fact that i'm ugly ... and that i'm missing out on so much due to that. And if i ever do accept it, it will be when i die.

    Like i said, i'm a loser. life sucks.

    And about ex talking to me, believe me it's the worst thing you can have. Hearing how she's having fun, dating, partying, etc ..... makes me wanna rip myself to pieces. You're better off without that, trust me.
  6. Roobear

    Roobear Member

    Did you know that people aren't born funny or out going? It's something that they learn and if other people can learn, so can you. As far as girls go, it's all about your attitude. If you think you’re a loser, you'll give that vibe off and she will pick up on it. You have to have confidence in yourself, give her a reason to want to talk to you. There are so many great women out there and if one doesn't bite move on to the next one. Try to relax and enjoy the journey, not just the destination.
  7. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    You are right, so cut the communication off. It's not helping you. If you really want to find a woman, you could join plenyoffish.com, it's free and you can just wait for someone to contact you. Just a thought.
  8. A_Loser

    A_Loser Well-Known Member

    I'd beg to differ about girls part of your comment. It's all about attractiveness these days ... that is, unfortunately to some (including me), how things work. It's our nature to be attracted to good looking people.

    Confidence is great, sure ... but you need to have something to be confident about. How can i be confident about how i look when in reality i'm ugly. And thats how i get judged on, on how i look.
    Thats like saying if you think you're smart you will be smart, and in reality you're stupid as hell. (just an example)

    How can you enjoy the journey if people are kicking you in the face along the path? You can't.

    If i break communication off with her, i'm left all alone. Even tho it's hurting, she's all i have when it comes to social situation.

    And thanks for the advice, but no one would ever contact me, i can guarantee you that.
  9. Roobear

    Roobear Member

    So now you're saying all women are shallow? As a woman, attractiveness is only going to get you so far with me. Any woman that's only interested in the way you look is not the type of woman that's going to be interested in a real relationship. When you're young and dating and just looking to have fun you may date on attractiveness- when you’re looking for something real, you date on more than just looks, because looks fade as we get older.
  10. kris-neptune

    kris-neptune Member

    i don't know what to say.. i have like that. and its awful indeed. and indeed it sucks so terribly that the good guys rarely win. but youre not alone.. you got everyone here to back you up :smile:
  11. gag

    gag Well-Known Member

    I'd beg to differ on that, actually.
    I'm no George Clooney, but I get girls attracted to me, sure they don't throw themselves at me left and right, but I do OK. I've even gotten with some very good looking girls in my day.
    Mind you I have to put on an act so I seem to be Mr.Confident, which often just makes me look like an obnoxious asshole, but the point is you don't have to be good looking to get dates.
  12. bria

    bria Well-Known Member

    So, true. I am not going to hold being "unattractive" against anyone. I like how someone acts, and to me is so much more important.
  13. A_Loser

    A_Loser Well-Known Member

    No, i'm saying man and woman are shallow alike. And i am basing this on my own experience, like i said i'm in my 20's (dunno how old you are) and thats how things work. If you you're ugly you'll be alone. In all honesty, i too want to have fun .... i bet alot of guys who never had girlfriends want that too, date, experiment, etc ...

    I don't know why people automatically assume that if you're desperate for a girlfriend, you want a long term, meaningful relationship. We just wanna date and see whats out there, just like everyone else does.

    I don't wanna wait until i'm 30/40, so that someone who was burned before by other guys and want to settle with me, cause i'm a "good" guy and finds me not attractive. I'll be gone long before that.

    And one more thing, don't take this personally it's not meant to be an attack on you girls or women in general ... i like good debate and to hear both side of the storys.
    I do find it funny how a lot of girls are saying on forums how they don't fall on looks, and how other things are just or more important, but yet in reality where it counts it's a totally different story. (men do the same thing).

    Kudos to you.
    I'll go back to my age thing (20's or so), ... i'm not saying you have to be good looking to get dates, but you have to be decent/average looking to be with someone who's not with you just for pity or just 'cause they're lonely.
    If you're ugly, you get nothing. Again, let me repeat myself, i'm speaking from my own experience and observation of how other people behave.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2007
  14. Sasuke

    Sasuke Active Member

    Exactly how i feel. Seeing her smile all the time is like being stabbed in the gut over and over again. Not that i dont want her to be happy but rather makes me realize how different we are.

    Im kinda in a similar situation, i really donno what to tell you man.
  15. Sasuke

    Sasuke Active Member

    Soon we die and our bodys rot . I believe were merely living in containers, who knows maybe spirit and character is all there is in another existance if there is such a thing that is.
  16. dreamstar

    dreamstar Active Member

    Just want you to know your not alone. My life is very similiar to yours. I've never had any romantic relationships either. No one I liked ever liked me back. I was always rejected. I believe it was more how I act than how I look. I'm pretty average looking but I act like a retard so no one would ever want me. Social anxiey has ruined me!!!!! Not only does it affect me mentally but physically as well. It makes me act 'weird.' I guess you could say I am 'handicapped' by the anxiety. I dont really have friends either. Just some people I email with online. No one wants to be around someone who acts like me. I'm nearly 30 yrs old and a total recluse by now. All my life I've just been made fun of and put down because of my 'handicap.' My life has been nothing but shit. The only fun I've had is in my fantasy worlds I created. Nothing in real life has been worth my time. Just shit. I think about suicide all the time but it really freaks me out. I dont think I'd do it right and would wound up worse off. I just want to stop eating and starve to death. But I cant do that with my parents around!!!! I wish I could get away from them and go off somewhere and starve to death and die in peace!!!!!! If only I lived in one of those third world countries where they have nothing to eat. I'd be one of the lucky ones over there! Everyday is a struggle for me too. And I often pray and beg God to take me in my sleep so I dont have to live this empty/worthless life of mine anymore. Unfortunately I just keep waking up everyday to the same shit. Over and over. Like a broke/scratched up record playing the same tired song over and over again. Its enough to make you go insane!!!! Sometimes feel like God doesnt care because if he did he'd take me. I mean all he has to do is stop my heart. I know he can do it! And I know he knows this would be the best thing for me. Your right about life. Its all deceptions, lies, hypocrisy, wars, death, basically its just a bunch of worthless bullshit. I dont see the point. Its just tired and stale and boring. I know how you feel with continuing to talk to your ex-girlfriend. It causes you a ton of pain to do so but you feel you have no choice because she's all you got right now. I'm in a similiar situation. I have this email 'friend' that I keep hanging onto because I simply have no one else. Well I do but I'm not close to them. She is my supposed close friend. But she causes me nothing but pain. I dont even consider her a friend anymore because I know our days are numbered at this point. She has one more time to piss me off and thats it. I'm done! She can be a real bitch and says the meanest/cruelest things and doesnt even seem to care how it affects you. Anyway, just letting you know your not alone in your misery.

    Life is so unfair isnt it?!:(

  17. gag

    gag Well-Known Member

    In reference to you saying I'd be better off without contact, you're probably right.

    I probably would be worse off if we kept in contact, I feel like swallowing a bottle of tylenol everytime I hear about her being with another guy.
    She once told me she blew one guy (in public), and hooked up with 2 others in the span of a night (while she was going out with an ex, before I knew her), right before things came unglued.
    If that what she does when shes in a relationship... I'd hate to hear what shes doing now that shes single...
    So for that I have to respect you for being able to deal with that, I can honestly say that would be more than enough to violently throw me off the edge.
  18. teutonic

    teutonic Member

    I wouldn't count on it. We should assume that this is it, this is the only life we get, and if we fail to make the most of it, then that's very sad.
  19. dreamstar

    dreamstar Active Member

    Very interesting post Sasuke! I like what you said about maybe spirit/character is all there is in another existence. I think thats true.

  20. gag

    gag Well-Known Member

    I personally don't believe we have a spirit or any of that, I think we basically came from the slime and when we die thats it, just an eternity of unimaginable nothingness.
    Makes the thought of suicide that much worse.
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