Worthless loser :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Silent1, Sep 19, 2012.

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  1. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    I'm just straight up worthless, 23 years old never had a girlfriend, no job, no money, no success just a fat loser. I mean I'm the sterotype of what a loser is, fat guy who lives in his parents home drug addict who plays video games all day nerd. I don't even no what's going on anymore, I'm so close to suicide I'm actually feeling a dark presence around me, I feel like the devil wants me to do it, I'm literally going crazy. I don't even no if heaven and hell exist can this world really just be random? I'm just all around confused. I've been to doctors rehabs and so much b.s nothing can help me at the end of the day I just realize what iam I kept a good attitude for a while thinking things will change, all I've heard for the last 10 years is it gets better, funny how when I was 13 I could of told you this was how my life was gonna be I knew none of these girls would ever like the nerd fat kid I knew that my failing grades were gonna mean I would have to resort to low pay jobs, and I'm sure what my life will look like 10 years from now... Why not end this now before I'm back here when I'm 33 saying I shoulda killed my self a long time ago...fml
  2. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I suspect if you have been to clinics and rehab you have heard the term "self fulfilling prophesy" - you convinced yourself you had no chance at 13, have done so many more times since then , and are concluding the same now. That is a choice, and it is easier to choose the easy way of thinking then to choose to make the changes you are fully aware need to be made. Go to a clinic, Dr or emergency and try again - it is the hard choice and the right one.
  3. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    I've had this exact same feeling during past depressions, but not the current one. Perhaps becoming an atheist since then and deciding everything religious is just one giant mass delusion has protected me from this kind of psychotic thinking. It is a bit of psychotic depression to be feeling like that I think. Nobody ever treated me for it back then but I wonder why given it wasn't the only really crazy things I was thinking and experiencing. Maybe if they had augmented with an antipsychotic I would have recovered better and faster but they seemed to ignore me when I told them such things. Maybe because I seemed to have insight that it was kind of crazy and so it didn't qualify as psychotic, but I think it's possible to have psychosis and know it. We were discussing this on another forum one time-- whether if you've got hallucinations and know that they are hallucinations whether that's still psychotic. But just feeling like there's a dark presence around you and wondering if you are going nuts is perhaps not that unusual for just normal depression. Even unpsychotic depression can bring some odd thinking with it, especially thinking that's congruent with the mood. Many people feel like they are detached from themselves and watching their own actions. They call this depersonalization. I've had that with depression and it feels very strange and psychotic but doesn't get you a diagnosis of psychosis either.

    It sounds like you need more treatment for your severe, treatment resistant depression. It can be hard to put the car in motion when the gears are broken. You need to fix what's broken before you can decide where you should go. I doubt that you are going anywhere and indeed, will still be lying on the couch ten years from now, unless or until you do something about your mental illness.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2012
  4. spurs5

    spurs5 New Member

    hiya mate i no how u feel im female but the rest off what u say is how i feel,ur not alone,im here with u
  5. Unsung

    Unsung Member

    Dude, you're awesome.

    This planet is so huge, massive, there's so much here for you to do, to fulfil,
    and You're in charge of what you do, and when.

    If this is getting to the point that you really have had enough, and that word 'suicide' is like right behind your back,
    then This could be the Best time of Your Life.

    You wanna know why?

    Nothing can stop you. Go out, go find the best job you can, somewhere you will enjoy, who cares about grades?
    Go and woo your employer. What's the worst that could happen?

    Go speak to a girl, anyone, someone on a dating site, any random woman in the street, you never know how much you could make their lives flourish!
    Really, what is the worst that could happen?

    Make friends, talk online, talk to your parents, do everything you've ever wanted to do and do it now. You wanna know why? -Cause you Need to do it.
    You need to go out there and find something that gets your heart beating, something that tells you you're gonna be in for the time of your life. Something to make you raise your fists high into the air and Shout out in Joy!

    And you wanna know what's the worst that could happen?

    You die.

    Suicide's looking like quite a possible option right now? Good,
    go and take this time to do all the things you've always wanted to do, before you lose your chance.

    Don't let the rest of the world take that away from You.

    Live it now.

    Enjoy yourself.

    Just smile, bro.

    We're here for you man.
  6. Been there and it sucks. I remember being so stressed and frustrated and overwhelmed and depressed that I actually felt like demons were whispering in my ears & writing on the walls with blood. I thought I was going schizophrenic for awhile on top of everything else.

    I went to a friend's house and stayed the night because I lived alone. Maybe you can touch base with your parents. Do they know how low you feel right now? They might be surprised.
  7. Zipporah29

    Zipporah29 Member

    I've experienced the same sort of thing, pre-atheism also. When I was a teenager, after an OD, I remember sitting telling the psychiatrist that I was being controlled by demons and that I had made an inescapable awful future for myself, while he sat calmly writing on his notepad. I wasn't treated for any sort of psychosis either, just for anxiety and depression.
    I don't have anything like that sort of thinking these days. In-between there has been born-again Christianity, a degree in Theology, agnosticism and now atheism. Who knows what I'd be thinking of the gods or "forces that be" if I I wasn't an atheist, and yet in my current predicament. I don't like to ponder such a situation actually.

    To the OP - yes it can actually get better, but you have to get off the path you're on now. Do absolutely all you can to get treatment, and to change your thinking. That's what I would say to myself if I could talk to my 23-year-old self.
  8. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    I went through a lot of different religions and self-study of religions, then agnosticism before I gave it all up too. I didn't go so far as to get a degree in theology though. I knew a former Jesuit priest and religion professor who was an atheist too. So I guess it happens that you can have all kinds of interest in it, then decide in the end that it's all nonsense, lol.
  9. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    You need to stay on subject the OP was not asking about your religons in the topic don't mean to be rude but your advice acting like he wasn't trying was rude.

    OP: I know how you feel I kind of in the same way in a way. I think people need to understand that you have tried and have been in a positive mode in the past like I have but after waiting for 10 years hapiness never came our way. Still I don't think its selfulfilling mumbo jumbo we tried hard but you know some bad luck here and there and we a stuck in this sucky place. I feel the only way out of this is to take things step by step and try to get things better little by little. For example I'll try and smile and flirt with a girl for 10 minutes and consider it a victory when I used to not think it was a big deal. Just filling out an application or doing something to save money or earn more money is a little victory even filling out an application. Even working out if you choose to can be the same way. I'm sure if you keep having little victories every day it will add up to you watching TV on the nicest TV with an hot wife. Just keep getting little victories.
  10. J3nny

    J3nny Well-Known Member

    i feel your pain im exactly the same, never had anything, each day ending in *sincerely <method>*(I need one)
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 21, 2012
  11. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    Hey, <Mod Edit - Acy - Insulting> the OP never said anything of the sort. Why are you making assumptions that his life has been anything like your own?

    And our talk about religion is relevant to the post, in that religion can lead one to have psychotic delusions about the devil and so forth, like the OP, when he's depressed. And I was just trying to comment on my new best friend's Zipporah's post to make her feel welcome here as a new member. She's already said that she's afraid to post in the forum for fear of angering people. <Mod Edit - Acy - unnecessary/rude>
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2012
  12. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    Listen I sorry for coming off harsh but I'm sure he stated that he said that he has been to doctors and other stuff trying to get help before and it came off like you thought he wasn't already trying thats all.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2012
  13. Silent1

    Silent1 Well-Known Member

    Everyone has been real helpful, thanks for taking your time to write something, good luck people were gonna need it. :)
  14. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    I have no idea where you got that impression, sadguy. That is the last thing I would ever imply to anybody, given my own problems. I thought Unsung was being more inappropriate in suggesting he can just get out there and start functioning without treatment for his mental illness. What I was saying is that getting out there and doing all those things is not really possible until he does something about the illness first. I know that from first hand experience. At any rate, He seems happy with the replies he got.

    But I don't think people should be criticising other people's attempts to help. We are all ill and sensitive to criticism. When you do that, you just upset another ill person. We are all just doing our best to help one another.
  15. TryingtoHangOn

    TryingtoHangOn New Member

    Silent, I've posted on this thread because I feel very suicidal, but I read your post and want to emphasize something: You have hope. I'm older, unemployed, running out of money and have no family, so I'm pretty much at the end of my rope, but you don't have to be. I'm healthy and sober, yet I can't manage to live financially.

    You have family that you can connect with, you're YOUNG -- youth does give the energy of a body if we take care of it. You have options in front of you -- you CAN take control of your health while you are 23. You CAN try and find a decent job, people are much, much more willing to hire young employees rather than old. These are truths, and time is on your side. If you don't like traditional studying and feel you can't get decent grades, use your mind in other ways, learn a trade.

    Take it from someone struggling with other issues, take advantage of what you DO HAVE: You HAVE a roof over your head. You have access to the internet. You HAVE parents or people that care about you. You HAVE access to medical care. Please try. Options are wonderful and should be taken advantage of. I wish you luck and I'm rooting for you.
  16. J185

    J185 Member

    Damn bro, some of the things you said relate to me %110. I sometimes feel like the devil has control over me now and is becoming closer and closer to achieving what he wants......for me to give up, and end my life......a one way ticket straight to hell,"thou shalt not kill". Just when I thought I couldn't get any lower, Tuesday night I totaled my dads gf's car. A friend of mine thought it would be funny to jerk the wheel and make me swerve, except it's an older more beat up car so I lost control and we flipped 3 times dude. Both of them are out of town, they come back tomorrow(Sunday), and I honestly don't know what's going to happen to me. I went to party with some friends that same night right after the wreck, still in shock.....I felt like it was a bad nightmare, to be honest, I'm still in shock bro. On my walk home, I almost threw myself in front of a school bus traveling at around 40mph. I was super close bro. I'm older than you, been through more bullshit, and I feel like things are just getting darker and darker around me. I have a negative effect on those hang out with me, they can tell I'm dying inside slowly and painfully, and I can tell it makes them feel negative too. I went to go look for some jobs so I could make some of the $ back to pay for the car, but realized my wallet must have flown out of my pocket during the rolls so I don't have my ID anymore, preventing me from applying for a job. I went to get a new one today and the building was closed, lol just my luck I swear. I'm scared of what's going to happen next man, but I dunno.......I don't know
  17. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    I think those kinds of ideas are so common with depression that they are considered a normal part of it and not very psychotic. In fact the term "the blues" came about because people thought depression was the result of being possessed, or influenced by, blue demons.
  18. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    <Mod Edit - Acy - unnecessary>

    OP I can't really add anything. There's not a lot to say… cut down on the dope, get more exercise, try to pick yourself up. If you really like drugs, then maybe you could become a dealer? I've always wanted to sell drugs, it seems like a really good way to make money… the only problem is that I'm not so good at talking to people and I would never be able to handle prison. And there are plenty of jobs out there that don't require a university education… good jobs that can make you a lot of money. Why not pick up a trade?

    I'm sure that doing any of those things will probably help you feel less depressed/worthless. Inactivity is a major cause of depression.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2012
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