"Worthless"

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by imalone, Nov 18, 2015.

  1. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I've just had one of the worst days of my life. Firstly as everyone lined up to go to assembly everyone refused to stand/ sit next to me so i just went to the back and received dirty looks from the girls in front of me. Then. after I got out of assembly and "form" (a class for registration) I was pushed down a set of hard stairs. When I got up no-one helped me, not even a teacher. I only got a few bruises and a headache so I carried on and walked to my first class. Right at the end of the class someone threw something at my head. On the way to my 3rd lesson these older boys pointed and laughed at me and my only friend and said "wow, those two cant possibly be year 9's!" And then they muttered something as we walked away. During 3rd lesson the girl who now sits next to me refused to look at me or even touch the calculator that i had to share with her. she kept making a big deal about sitting next to me and making fun of me to her friends behind my back, even though i could clearly hear every word. "Worthless" "Ugly" "Loser" "Loner".After at lunch my friend wouldn't get anything to eat (even though she is dangerously anorexic) and she told me she just wanted to kill herself. (Even though we both have said this a lot it looked like she was really serious) And in my last lesson this boy kept poking me with his compass and trying to annoy me.

    I just feel even more horrible than usual, my head hurts, my scars are stinging, my stomach is squeezing really tight. I feel so worthless, I'm scared I'm gonna lose my only friend and I'm scared I'm going to lose myself. But it seems like the only option to me right now, I can't take this anymore.
     
  2. Deety

    Deety Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you've had such a hard day. Please don't take other people's behaviour as a reflection of your worth though. Are the opinions of people who treat others like that trustworthy? I'm sorry your friend is feeling so bad too, what support do the both of you have? Please take care and remember you are not worthless.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I'm saddened people can behave so recklessly and horribly. Being bullied can push anyone to insanity. Are you feeling okay now? Is the headache gone? Would it help to talk to the head teacher? As it can't even get any worse if you did (i don't think so anyway), pushing you down a stairs?? what are they psychopaths? I really feel for you. Is your friend getting help, maybe show her this website and you both can get support. I am always here every day, feel free to talk to me anytime!! ((gentle hugs)). Just a thought-were there any witnesses to you being pushed down the stairs? Hopefully they can be suspended or expelled. Hugs to you :)
     
  4. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    My friend is seeing a therapist, but I'm not seeing anyone. I've only got my friend and the music that I'm writing with my guitar.
     
  5. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I'm feeling better than I was, music helps me a lot through things like this. My headache has gone but all my muscles just ache. I'm sure half of the kids at my high school are psycho paths, I know some of them smoke underage. My friend is getting help, she goes to a therapist for anorexia and depression. Thank you for the help. Not many people saw me get pushed. Just the group of boys that pushed me. Our school is supposedly really good but behaviour is terrible. No one has got expelled and my friend has been pushed down the stairs, constantly bullied and hassled and there are fights often. My friend and her parents have told the school so many times but nothing has been done.
     
  6. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Where are your parents in all this?
    You need to tell a responsible adult what is going on, is there a family member you trust who would help you?
    Bullying is a dreadful thing and children seem to turn feral when they target someone.
    The only way to deal with bullying is to out the bullies and the teachers who ignore it.
    I wish I could give you a big hug and go to your school and cause a riot till something was done for you, this has made me so angry heads would roll!
     
    3 people like this.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    How are you doing in school, grades wise?
    I think you should try and see a therapist too. Think you could benefit a lot from therapy hun. I am glad you are there for your friend. You are a special person, so if your friend, support each other. Is there a counsellor in your school?
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm with Terry. What I read has made me so angry, wtf are the teachers doing!! Turning a blind eye for an easy life?
     
  9. LastCall7

    LastCall7 Banned Member

    There would be a lot more fights at that school if I ran across the guy who found it funny pushing you down some stairs.
     
    3 people like this.
  10. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    Hey, Hi i know that you have posted you feel better since you posted this, I am so sorry that you have to put up with this, I hope you hold on, you know that you have to have something done, you nor your friend should have to put up with any of this I hope that you know you are not worthless, I and everyone else know that you are not ugly so there is some stupid jealousy, those kids should be in nursery school, It is hard to put up with these things everyday, does your friend have access to a computer so she could get online with you and us here? I know what the behavior can do to you please do not start believing what those kids say, they are obviously shallow and ignorant. you have much more then that and obviously you friend needs to have something done for her as well. I am sorr that life is hitting you so hard now, I hope that something can happen soon for you! have you ever talked with your teacher yet, or given anyone else that vid you made? i am glad that you are doing better, you are doing better handling this stuff than I would be, Please take care of yourslf and I am glad you came in here and posted for us and for yourself! Maybe you can make a song like Good Charlotte did "Hold On" it is older but it still applies! Please be safe! we are here for you!!
     
  11. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Oh my God!!! Wow! You are a strong person, I don't think I could survive a day like that. I am sorry and God damn pissed about what happened but I am also proud of you that you are strong enough to put up with such hatred!
    You said you are afraid of losing your only friend but do you consider changing your school? It is one horrible place. And even the teachers seem like bullies? What kind of school is that?
     
    3 people like this.
  12. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    My parents know about some of the bullying and I told my mum I had depression before but she's never talked to me about it since. I'm too scared to tell my dad, he says to ignore everyone but I just can't. My mind doesn't work that way. Thank you. a hug is something me and my friend enjoy.
     
  13. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    My parents know about some of the bullying and I told my mum I had depression before but she's never talked to me about it since. I'm too scared to tell my dad, he says to ignore everyone but I just can't. My mind doesn't work that way. Thank you. a hug is something me and my friend enjoy.
     
  14. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Nothing much has changed with my grades, I'm getting brilliant grades in some classes. Thank you. I'm not sure whether there is a proper counsellor but there is a teacher to talk to but my friend has had to talked to him loads and he never really does anything to help and he just ends up blaming my friend for everything, so I don't really want to go to him. Thank you for this message, I'm so glad I found this site when I did.
     
  15. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I'm glad I found this site when I did, being able to speak my mind without being judged helps me a lot. My friend doesn't use computers much as she tends to block out the world but I can try and get her on here. I haven't managed to talk to a teacher because I have never found opening up an easy thing, especially with adults. I just don't know which one to talk to. I'll try to take care of myself as best as I can. Thank you so much for the kind message, it means a lot to me. My friend, music and this website are like my guardian angels.
     
  16. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    Im not gonna lie but It's not easy putting up with this. A lot of tears and pain has been involved. I've considered changing but my parents don't want to send me to the local rubbish school in my town, another school nearby is worse on bullying (as my brothers old friend goes there) and there is a special all-girls school but I failed the test to get in and I don't think I'd feel any better going to a "smart school" with harder work and tests. The strange thing is our school has just had "OFSTED" in to check how good our school is and they said the behaviour of students and teachers was excellent and all students are eager to learn and are polite. (Or something like that) To be honest the school is good, it's just the behaviour isn't.
     
    3 people like this.
  17. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    Oh, I see. And working harder to get into that school you haven't passed the tests to is something I cannot ask for. I know when you are down and sad it is very hard to work. I myself haven't studied properly this semester.
    Being strong is not about not crying or not being affected by the things that happen to us. It is about keep going on despite all these things. We all cry, we all have bad days, we don't wanna leave the bed somedays, I know how it is. I mean I am not bullied like that, but there are some people I don't like seeing in school so I skipped many classes this year. But I think I am in the process of healing.
    What I will suggest is that, we cannot change the world but we can change ourselves. I don't know why these people treat you like that so I won't suggest anything particular. Don't get me wrong I am not saying you should change so these horrible people will like you, change your perspectives. Change how you see life. I can be more helpful if you'd like to share further with your story. That is up to you of course. Know that I will be here to support you. You are strong person. You can make it out of this.
     
  18. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I've always wanted to skip lessons but I've been too scared. I'm glad you're healing. I wish I could change how I see life but after everything that has happened it's hard. Thank you it's nice to have someone that believes in me. I hope you get healed too
     
    2 people like this.
  19. Skylar

    Skylar Well-Known Member

    You are a young girl, of course you can change. Believe in yourself, it's not gonna be easy nor quick but we gotta start from somewhere right? :)
     
  20. imalone

    imalone Well-Known Member

    I don't really believe in myself. But yeah we have got to start somewhere.