Worthless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Alyssa88, Apr 5, 2007.

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  1. Alyssa88

    Alyssa88 Active Member

    I need to do this. I am not happy unless I am perfect. I can't be perfect if I don't follow my rules. I can't follow my rules because I'm not perfect.

    I know this makes no sense but I am broken, I have nothing left. I don't even know if everything I do is for me or for her. I don't even know if this is who I am, or is my entire identity a product of her.

    I had several panic attacks in the past month. I won't stop worrying. I hate feeling worthless because I got a B+ on a paper. I hate that I count how many people do better than me in the class. I hate that I can't be happy with who I am unles she is. I hate that I won't let anyone too close. I hate that when my friends worry about me, I get pissed. I hate that I gave in and ate too much today. I hate the way those pills taste. I hate that I never sleep yet I have lots of energy. I hate that I can never be normal and relax. i always hav to do something, always have to be productive. I hate that she did this to me. I hate that now, she is a totally different person. I can't confront the new her, about the old her. I hate that whenever I stop I want to drink. I really hate that if I stop and not drink, I want to die, I want to quit. I think about jumping in front of buses, or overdosing.

    Sometimes I feel like my life is a big lie, a big false memory.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 5, 2007
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I think you need to realise that no one is perfect, there is no such thing as perfect. Every single person on this planet has their faults. Thats a natural part of live. We can correct our faults. But we will never be perfect becuase there is no such thing. Perfection is a fantasy .... a dream. People dream of perfection but will never get it.

    As for the sleeping, i would suggest seeing a doctor about that.

    Take care.

    :hug:
     
  3. Alyssa88

    Alyssa88 Active Member

    I realize that no one is perfect, but that doesn't stop me from hating myself for not being perfect. I know the way I feel is stupid, but I can't help it. Trust me I know its impossible, but I don't like feeling like my happiness is impossible.


    My biggest problem is the only thing bringing me happiness.
     
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    It's not a stupid feeling, in fact its pretty common and they can't help it. Many people hate themselfs, me included. Its a part of life. We have to try love our selfs, find the positive things in us and concentrate on that. Concentraiting on the bad things only makes us feel worse because thats all we see ....... negativity.

    :smile:
     
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