Worthlessness and Hopelessness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kmac5472, Feb 21, 2012.

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  1. kmac5472

    kmac5472 New Member

    Hi, Im 18 years old and kind of in what i think is a screwed up situation. im sure there are worse but i feel hopeless. im a recovering heroin and xanax addict and ive been sober about 40 days from drugs excluding alcohol. I recently moved to a different city with my friend to get away from my drug connnections in my home town. My plan was to find a job and go to school. Me and my friend share a one bed room apartmentt and he is the only person i know in this city. Upon moving down here though he has completly ditched me for his girlfriend (who was the whole reason he moved in the first place, I just thought it would be good for me to tag along). I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder too so I knew moving would be tough. I started drinking heavily once I started to feel anxious and depressed. At first i went to school, but after the first week i stopped. Part of the reason is my anxiety. At this point any social interaction makes me freakout. Another reason is my "friend" is the only one with a car and the school is 2 miles away. He promised to help me but get there when i agreed to move but he failed to come through. I have a bike so its not impossible to get there. But now on top of my amplified anxiety i choose not too go. This has screwed me because now im failing all my classes, past the maximums for missing class and it is too late to withdrawl for a refund. I have stopped my drinking for 4 days as I thought that could have been triggering my thoughts of suicide. I also stopped taking my anti depressants and anti anxiety medication. And I have been having less suicide thoughts since. but now reality has kicked in for the first time in months. I really dont know what to do. I dont know how my parents are going to react with my failure to attempt college. They threw about 2500 dollars into this and are going to lose it all. I think my best form of escape is to kill myself but i want to talk to someone before I do. I like hearing others opinions sometimes, even though im pretty stubborn on my own. I want help but feel helpless.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi K and welcome...what can you do to develop a postive support system for yourself where you live now? Are there counseling services at your school or any other treatment that might help? Do you go to meetings or have you established any kind of support in that way? I know that for many AA and NA are not their way of working through these issues, but many substance abuse organizations have a broader view, and might be helpful. Also, have you spoken to your friend to see why he is not supporting you? Also, is there anyone in your family who you can talk to? Please see what can be done to explore if your current meds continue to be effective for you and take what is prescribed...thanks for sharing and welcome
  3. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Well firstly, well done on reaching 40 days, you have done really well to get that far, and remove yourself rfom the possible routes to get anything. I know it can be cery difficult to start again, but you have made a start andit will take a little while to get things in the swing. Have you contacted the school you go to and let them know how hard you are finding it due to your GAD, I am sure they will be able to offer you support, and possibly send someone out to you once a week to see how you are getting on, and see if you can study from home.

    I am guessing you are not in the uk (so I cant really provide anything too acurate due to not knowing the systems where you are)
    Things may seem hopeless now, but you have already done so much good for yourself, so you arent hopeless, you could have given up, but you havent. You have kept going on and that has made you a strong person, and certainly not worthless, because you obviously want to change yourself and make something of yourself.

    I know it isnt much help but there is so many people on here who can offer you help and support in some way (even if it is just someone to talk to). I havent been on this site for very long but I have found that everyone here geniunely want to help and the mere thought of that has helped me massively.
  4. bono

    bono Well-Known Member

    Judging by your description of yourself, your parents shouldn't be too upset about college. They probably didn't expect you to make it through. just get a job and let them know you have quit the herion and zaxax and they will be happy.
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