I've been depressed for the majority of my life thus far and always went to drugs for the answer. Of course they only made it worse. I've been sober for 3 months, that's the longest I've gone since I first started 5 years ago. I came down with an infection in my bones from IV drug use. They say it'll be about 7 weeks of IV antibiotics while I live in a nursing facility. Things haven't improved and the weight of everything that's happened is bringing me down more and more evey day. I relapsed yesterday and the guilt is so powerful that I feel I don't have any options left. My treatment took a turn for the worse today and I don't know how much more I can handle. I know that suicide would only be easy for me- not at all for my loved ones. It's so hard to stay positive when things couldn't get much worse anyway. I want so badly to give up but I know that it wouldn't be fair. It's almost like I've been running from suicide for so long that I've reached the edge of the cliff and the only option is to give up and jump. I can't find another choice. I'm just so exhausted from the constant sadness. Thank you for listening, it feels good to talk about it.