Would it be better to.......

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by getgo, Dec 27, 2009.

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  1. getgo

    getgo Member

    I have a general question and a theory.

    The question is as I want to die so badly, is it because of whats happened to me over 15+ years or is it because I compare stories to my own and feel as if I can't be beaten.

    PLEASE don't think I'm being cold, callous and selfish, I'm truly not but over the last two years speaking to people/shrinks etc and reading forums, is it our nature to want to find someone worse off than ourselves, to make us feel better, or is this more proof that I'm so far gone, I've lost whats left of my soul.

    I know we all have our limits and are made up very differently, so what might make me suicidal, you would laugh at me and say....get a grip and grow a pair. Do we really want to know our limits? The number of lines I've drawn in the sand and said that's it, no more, lets jump, to me now knowing how bad it can really get.

    Are we suicidal because of whats happened or what may happen?

    Please feel free for honesty and bashing me up!


    ps. I've asked 4 shrinks that question and still not had an answer! Which is why I've told them where to go and how to get there!
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    For me personally I think it is both. I cant escape what has happened to me in the past. It is responsible for making me who and what I am today. And I have spent too many years looking ahead, waiting to see the "better tomorrows" that everyone seems to think should be there. I have worked so hard to see them happen. But they never do. So I'm afraid to keep wasting what precious little energy I have trying to find something that by the odds, isnt there.

    I've spent years with pdocs, therapists, counsellors, support groups and many different meds. That too all for naught. I remember my first pdoc when I was in hospital after my 1st attempt. I asked him, " how do I explain to my children what has happened.? I've been racking my brain for the last several days and I just dont know how to tell them without hurting them." His reply "tell them what you think you can." That was the beginning of the end of my trust in so called professionals.

    I have long ago stopped tyrying to compare my worst to others. I have stopped trying to let go of my past, because it wont let go of me. I have stopped working and wasting energy looking for the good to come. I have the present. And it says I'm done. Even all the professionals helping me cant seem to argue that point anymore.

    Dont know if it was the answer you're looking for. And frankly dont care. It's my answer and I'm sticking to it (lol).
  3. 1victor

    1victor Well-Known Member

    For me it's the amount of effort I should put in order to get to the point where I am more or less "happy". Right now it's 100:1 ratio where 1 is amount of happiness I might get in the process. I am not willing to fight for myself right now. It's just too much work. Other people see it differently.
  4. getgo

    getgo Member

    Hey itmahanh,

    Amen to all of that! I couldn't have said it better myself!


  5. whytryanymore

    whytryanymore Well-Known Member

    Im with itmahanh on this one. dont have any experience to speak of really with "professionals" but the majority of it has been me laughing at the remarks and such that they have.
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