Would like an opinion....

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ferret, Oct 26, 2009.

  1. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    So I was talking to my therapist today about my ex, again. Reason because I saw a picture of her and her new bf for the first time, and it almost tore me apart. It would have been a lot worse if I was just living a short drive away from her. That's why I moved.

    Anyway, while I was working in my old life I wouldn't get home until late. We would chat on MSN for hours, and occasionally I would fall asleep and basically leave her there hanging. I felt really bad about it, and we had two/three fights about it. Do you think her actions were justifiable? She didn't work and would wait for me to come home to chat on MSN. Her parents couldn't afford long distance service on their phone so it was up to me to make phone contact. I still miss her, but I keep forcing myself to think that it could have worked out, but I wasn't good enough for a relationship. I could jump off a cliff anyday, and she would never know about it. She's in her fantasy world with her new toy. I'm just stale meat.

    I put most of the effort into the relationship, but I grew tired of having to drive for hours to her parents house every weekend, and sometimes she would even get mad because I wouldn't drive out there on a certain day. I faked two weeks of sick leave from work just so we could be together. Anyway. I'm sorry for providing extra details. I just want to know if her getting mad for stupid (I think) reasons is something I should have definitely avoided, or if I was the person at fault. I thought about ending the relationship sooner than 6 months, because of her effort-less commitment. Every time I think about my current situation and the fact that I'm alone, but she isn't, I just want to drink my liver out and jump off a very high cliff. I wish it didn't have to be this way....
     
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    It sounds as though you were putting a lot of effort into this relationship, a lot more than she was. And I'm not saying that's her fault. I suppose if she didn't have a car or a phone it would make things difficult for her.

    What makes you think it could have worked out but it didn't because you're not good enough for a relationship? Of course you're good enough. Don't beat yourself up about this. You used the words "effort-less commitment". So you are seeing clearly that's what it was. If somebody isn't putting in what you're putting in then they aren't completely in it. And it sucks when they find someone first, but you will find someone who wants you just as much as you want them.
    Someone who deserves you.
     
  3. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Don't be so hard on yourself, I really doubt it could have worked out from the way it sounds there. People have ended relationships for less and even if you guys hadn't broken up when you did it probably would have happened later. Hours of driving every weekend, are you serious? You're a better person than most, I know I certainly couldn't handle that. I don't think it was as much either of you guys' fault as it was your circumstances'. Maybe she was lazy and maybe you were eager to please but having to drive hours just to meet a few days a week would put strain on any relationship and would probably break most.
     
  4. Ferret

    Ferret Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all your help in helping me sort this out. I feel better now :)