Would like to hear from people who have had depression for years please?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Black31, Apr 25, 2010.

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  1. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    I've suffered from depression for 20yrs now. I also suffer from social anxiety and other anxiety issues. I find it so hard to keep going, it's a struggle everyday. I've thought of suicide on many occasions. Sorry to be so morbid but these problems make you very low.

    I'd luv to hear from people in the same boat and how you manage to keep going? Are you able to work and are you single/married? I'm a 33 yr girl from Dorset, UK.

    Thanks in advance :sad:
  2. ozbound

    ozbound Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I've had depression for as long as I can remember and i'm 44 this year. I also suffer social anxiety hate going to new places and meeting new people. Which is why I have very few friends never can seem to stay in a relationship for long. Which is probably almost always my fault because of my anxiety's. And it's a daily struggle to keep going I do work which is one of the only reasons I leave the house. Although weekends are the worst for me as then I have no reason to leave the house. But then that's when the prescibed drugs really help them and the sleeping tablets.
  3. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Im 31 and have suffered with depression for 16 years now,infact I probably had it before that without realising.

    I struggle to make new friends as I like to hide away.Its not what I want as such but I feel safer that way.Im newly single as of about a week ago now after 5years(hence me finding this place as I very nearly ended it).

    I have had the same job for 12 years now although yet again I am on a sicknote at the moment,luckily I get sickpay.Ive struggled over the years with time off though,on two seperate occasions I had absences of 6months at a time due to depression.

    Ive recently gone back on my meds as for a long time tried to "go it alone" but I really do need them now.Sleep is a big issue for me,in that I dont really get any.Its a struggle to get out of bed most days and people just carry on around you as normal not knowing whats going on in your head which can be very frustrating.

    I have also used counselling in the past to get me by too but for me personally have struggled to feel comfortable with alot of them.I accepted years ago that depression was just part of me,however when really bad things like my partner leaving happen to me I spiral out of what little control I had again.
  4. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    Thanks for your reply. I'm the same as you when it comes to mixing and going to new places. The anxieties hit the roof! I very much hide away from the world cos my social anxiety is severe and I don't work. Plus having depression makes it so hard to get up and do a few activities/chores. It's good that you can work though. I'm sorry weekends are hard for you and are lonely. What tablets are you on?
  5. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    I'm sorry to hear you've suffered from depression for a long time too. It's a really horrible condition. As for breaking up from a 5 yr relationship that's going to take time to get over. It's a big change in your life that you're going to have to get used to. At this unfortunate time you need friends and family around to support you. Do you have many pals?

    As for sleeping I'm sorry you're having problems. Can you not take anything for it? It must really make you feel worse if you're not sleeping. I find I sleep too much. I'm frequently tired and can't get through the day without a few hours sleep in the day.

    Do you know what caused your depression?
  6. Tomas

    Tomas Well-Known Member

    I've had depression since i was about 10 and i'm now 24. It properly manifested itself when i was in my early teens and it pretty much crippled me.

    Since i left school i've had no friends, no long term employment, and have experienced nothing that could in anyway be called 'life'. Aside from the employment thing i have no plans to alter the way i live. I've found great comfort in solitude and in many ways have bettered myself.

    There really isn't anything else i need or want from other people, except sex.
  7. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Hi Black31,
    I'm 26 and have suffered from depression for about 14 years now. I'm noticing that most people say it started or really progressed in their early teens, which is exactly the same as myself. I could've had it before then but I remember the suicidal thoughts and the uncontrollable crying started when I was 13.
    I'm single - never married/never been in a long term relationship (always ruined them before it got to that point), I still live at home with my mother, no job (have never been able to hold one down for longer than a few months), I have a couple of friends but I don't really see them because I prefer to shut myself away... it's just easier being alone and not having to deal with anybody, especially those that don't understand.

    Truth is I've no idea how I keep going... I just do. I don't have the guts to go through with suicide so sticking around really is the only other option.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 25, 2010
  8. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Hi,im not sure if I can put it down to any one thing really.I just generally had a bad upbringing with parents who basically hated me and only really acknowledged my sister and brother.

    Through lots of very serious and nasty reasons ive not had contact with any of my family for years now and couldnt/wouldnt go back.Dont even know where they are.The last thing my mother said to me was she shouldve aborted me so nope I dont have family and have never really had many friends as I dont socialise much.Not the "friends" that would drop everything and come running if I had a packet of pills in my hand anyway.

    I am alone but for the people on here,dont know how I got through before I found this site.There is so much going on and to tell you of all the troubles of my life so far would take a year of typing........

    As for the lack of sleep,I guess I just run on autopilot now but I do get alot of headaches which I think are caused by that.The tablets I used to be on(Dothiepin)if ive spelt that right helped me sleep alot but I found didnt really do anything for the depression.Then Venlafaxine which I used to take and are now back on,its ok but takes a long time to get going and also for some strange reason always made me clench my teeth very very hard but I wouldnt realise I was doing it until it started hurting then id stop.A minute later I realised I was doing it again.Due to that and the fact I didnt really want to become hooked on tablet taking again I weened myself off them.I have now admitted defeat and gone back on them.
  9. @ben

    @ben Member

    I pretty much have the same problem as this ...

    I'm so afraid when it comes to weekend as i could be in total mute,

    but then weekdays doesnt really make any different, i hate people at work... for no reason i feel like everyone hates me...
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I've had depression my whole life....since I was a teen...I hate it..
    we call it the family curse..
    my dad had it his whole life ( he made 81 with meds)...
    there have been 5 suicides on his side of the family (only know back as far as his father)
    I have been on meds for over 20 years and will never stop them.....
    one of my daughters (I have 3) is also on meds for depression...
    I have lost my son to suicide....:sad:
  11. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

  12. Sephaus

    Sephaus Well-Known Member

    Well I'm 23, I've been dealing with depression and severe social anxiety since I was 12. Mental illness has run rampant through my mother's family and I have a strong sense of self-loathing that has developed over a number of years of social ridicule through my teen years as I was extremely obese after I had to take a steroid for respiratory problems when I was 12 which put on an extra 40 pounds on me. A fear of abandonment has also developed within me since as a child my mother was gone for several weeks at a hospital in Arizona for her own mental health issues and she was hospitalized several times for mental health and physical health problems up until I was 12, so I do all I can to avoid talking to women and avoiding the possibility of an intimate relationship as that scares the hell out of me.
  13. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    Yes I think for most people depression started in their teens. It's such a draining illness, I absolutely loathe it! My depression started at 14 yrs after being diagnosed with a physical illness. I struggled to accept it and have remained depressed to this day.

    I'm similar to you that I still live at home and don't work. In fact I suffer from severe social anxiety so working amongst others is impossible. I'm sorry to hear you haven't been able to hold down a job for too long. Do you suffer from any anxiety probs too?

    I understand how you feel about mixing with your friends. When you feel so low in yourself that's the last thing you want to do. Plus not everyone is very understanding. If only they could have a dose of it and see what it feels like!

    I'd like to commit suicide too but don't have the guts either! What kind of things do you do all day?
  14. Black31

    Black31 Active Member

    This post breaks my heart. I'm so sorry to hear of your family losses and that your family are blessed with this cursed illness. I don't really know what to say but I send you big hugs anyway. :arms:
  15. Theseus

    Theseus Well-Known Member

    I'm a 28 year old guy. I think I've been depressed for more than a decade now.
    I manage to keep going because I don't have an easy out. Sorry if that is a depressing thought.

    I've always got on with just a very strong resolve and a very deep-seated fear of failure.

    I am single but that has never bothered me significantly. I have a bit of a contemptuous attitude towards others and a lot of anger and bitterness. Which makes forming interpersonal relationships rather difficult. So I wouldn't recommend trying to develop that.

    I am able to work, but the quality of my work has worsened in the past few months, I'm finding things more and more difficult, maybe because they are difficult? I don't know. I also haven't made much progess in my job for the past couple of years and that adds to the depression somewhat.
  16. gakky1

    gakky1 Well-Known Member

    Summed it up fairly well for me Theseus...44 now, probably been depressed for 20 years though I haven't stuck with therapy the whole time. My work has also suffered, can work though I'm on sick leave now. Really don't know how I deal with it, too scared to take the final plunge?:mellow: Also keep thinking that there may be a better life for me, hasn't happened, oh I don't have any good answers, some interesting thoughts though in the posts, I really need the help too with what you've mentioned.:huh:
  17. DreamReaver

    DreamReaver Well-Known Member

    just turned 34 and don't ever remembering being happy longer than 24 hours.

    still here because of attempts failed and having hope, don't have hope anymore that dissappeared a long time ago, and now too scared of what happens if an attempt fails, what the consequences would be. But have figured out to overcome that i think?

    not very helpful i know.
  18. alloutoftears

    alloutoftears Account Closed

    35, didn't know what depression was until i had a meltdown, now that i'm at the end and i look back in retrospect i see that i have always been depressed.

    I come from a seriously dysfunctional family my mother got pregnant at 16 then married then obviously the marriage dissolved. She then met a criminal and he won her over, i became a punch bag for the next 15years until he nearly took my sight and i had to go on the streets.

    Sucked it up and managed to get myself a job then work and went to university.

    Never really belonged amongst others - nothing in common and too much reality experienced at too young an age. Tried medication, therapy, postivity and a few other things.

    Finally found a soulmate, couldn't believe my luck but my past caught up on me and cracks began to appear, i didn't know how to be happy eventually she dropped me like a hot snot (still love her and know she did the right thing, i wasn't good enough).

    I'm glad i have exhausted all my options 'cause i know that it wasn't my fault, some people are just broken and need to be scrapped, i am one.

    Do not make a choice until you have exhausted all your options, keep working at it until you can work no more, you just may be one pf the majority who turns things around. I wish you all the very best.
  19. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

  20. Theseus

    Theseus Well-Known Member

    Well, I haven't got any answers. If I did, I probably wouldn't be moping on this forum. :)
    Never had therapy or medication. Wouldn't know how to get any even if I did want it.
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