It's just agony. I really can't stand feeling this any more. It's like I'm drowning and there's no way to escape except the one thing I really don't want to do, although a part of me would love to do it. I don't think I've got the willpower to get through living another day. Sometimes it's like I can't move, like I don't even want to move, because this feeling follows me where I go, all day and all night. I really would love just to drop dead and have it all end right now.