I cant keep doin this. It's utter insanity to keep tryin. I am in a significant amount of pain these days going to drs is completely out of the question too. I cant even afford to cover the medical bills I have already. Adding to them and all its related stresses its pure insanity in itself. A couple months ago I sat one night and actually counted all the things others would encourage to address medically. The count is at 19. To address them all would literally leave me spending all my days, time, and money addressing them. No thank you. Tonight the area around my kidney is producing one heck of a sharp pain. Yesterday had what I thought was goin to be a simple extraction turned out surgical instead. That alone helps nothing. Mouth pain always affects my mood in the worst way. Im also without my car atm (broke down last month). I cant even afford to eat. Cant get anywhere to get help with food. Im tired of all this. Im pathetically close to ending it all. Why shouldnt I after all?