Would you like to be re-made?

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by youRprecious!, Jun 25, 2012.

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  1. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    When I was suicidal, I thought it was impossible for me to ever recover. This was in spite of years of trying to believe that God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life - as is commonly told us (if you've ever heard an evangelist speak).

    However, the GOOD NEWS is, that, wherever you are in your life's journey, even if this is at the bottom of a great, dark pit, with no seemingly possible way out - (and I know what that's like, believe me:concern:) - there is one. One for You. Your individual way out :cheerful:

    It's "just" a question of finding it.

    Even if you feel that all hope is gone, as did I.

    If anyone is wanting to try to start to believe this for themselves, that's wonderful, and a really positive first step.:Leiaha: (Even if, like the giraffe it would seem you're still standing still.)

    Like any climb, it does involve a few things not to stay in the pit. The first is motivation to get out. And then move onto the next step.

    I'd really like to encourage you to believe that this is possible, and not pie-in-the-sky. It's steak-on-the-plate, actually :Jehuty: Oh, well, cheese then :smile:

    I'm here to "bounce off" :reub: in the shutting of the window on the :snake:

    Actually, this literally did happen to me once when I lived in the middle of Africa - that was exactly what I had to do on a green mamba that was wanting to come in through the window.... (long story, that) - but it gave me an unforgettable picture of overcoming bad stuff - by taking action.

    Sorry to have been gone from here for some weeks - life has been truly frenetic, and house renovations still not finished. We've also lost a family member from cancer well before their time. But I'm glad to be back to help listen and encourage :semi-twins:
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun welcome back it is nice to see you again hugs
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    thanks TE, it's nice to be back :)
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    The reason there is 're-made' in the title - is because of the promise found in 2 Corinthians 5 v 17 in the Bible. God's promise to us, about being a new creation. We are already his creation, but there are 2 selves within our 'oneself'. I reckon we all know about putting on masks to get through certain things (finding acceptance, keeping a job we don't like but need to do, unconcern when insulted, every time we tell an untruth, etc.)

    What God promises us is an increasing awareness of how He sees us - our real selves, where we do not have to pretend, where we know in our heart that we have already found 100% acceptance from the One who loves us the most, and who we do not have to try to 'win over'.

    In short, a re-making of our old concepts of God which can tend to be rather negative (i.e. non-existent, far-away, impossible to please/understand, or something of a tyrant, bully, kill-joy. etc.)

    That's probably enough for this morning, ..... if people want to look/read and not write anything, that's fine :) The concept of being re-made, I admit, can sound a bit strange, but the invitation is always there :) :)
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Maybe I should have put this thread into 'Member's Diary' - as it seems it's going to be a monologue - Admin can move it if they want to :)

    Last night watched a documentary about Jung - and the world of the un/sub-conscious. Fascinating....... and looking back now on my journey - both into and out of the pit - I was able to relate to a lot of it, which has added to the rekindling of my hope;

    If this can happen for me, I know 100% it can happen for everyone.

    The decisions we make about how life is, about how we are, about any meaning to life, etc....... a lot of these decisions are arrived at subconsciously, and affect our feelings.

    And from there, we start to become conscious of our feelings, and can tend to believe they are reflecting reality to us............ in which case, it is likely we will become more depressed, when our feelings are negative as the result of the bad stuff we're faced with.

    But, it does not need to stop there - don't let it!! The power is ours to tell our Real Self to NOT let our feelings do this. We do not need to allow our feelings to boss us around, especially negative ones. :)

    Love and blessings to you this morning,

    You Are Precious
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Well hunnies, 80+ people have been curious enough to investigate the title about being 're-made'......... and maybe have been disappointed with an "oh, that's only more of that religious stuff, and I don't want to get religious"...... I don't know if this is an accurate assumption I've made, but if it is, I'd like to explain about what "re- ligio" actually means.

    It's the Latin for 'to re-connect'.

    And religious is only really a descriptive word to describe what happens in responding to God's invitation - we become re-connected to the author and the giver of life. :)

    Now, this may seem like pie-in-the-sky because a lot of religious people, for various reasons, don't seem to be very good examples of having been reconnected. I understand that, because I haven't been, myself. But that does not stop God from seeking us out to get us back on the bike when we fall off.

    And fall off we will, and fall off we do.......... but that doesn't mean, like people might suppose, that we're still not reconnected........... [Although I do have issues with paedophile priests who deliberately know what they're doing and still choose to do it anyway. In that area of their lives they need to be more honest with themselves, admit it, make restitution and stop. Period.]

    For anyone who has been abused by anything or anyone religious - it's the problems still within the abuser, and not God, that caused it. God weeps over all abuse - it is not ever his idea. He has given humanity its freewill and its sovereignty to reject him, or disobey, or discredit him - but always, always, hopes we won't do that.

    Love & blessings to you this morning,
    U R Precious
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Good morning! :)

    Perhaps I should try to expand a little on the benefits that faith can bring to the heart of a person in pain. I feel qualified to do this, because of my Q.B.E. (qualified by experience). I am still learning, and always will be, how to medicate rejection, but have found that facing it is the first step. Denying it only drives it deeper. Finding a place where our experiences of rejection and its healing can find full acceptance, is wonderfully liberating to the feelings! :)

    Rejection - the feeling of being unwanted, unloved, unable to find acceptance, the feeling of being 'on the outside' can be healed, integrated into one's life experience, and perceived (eventually!) as something positive (because of what it helps us discover) rather than some horrible negative thing that leads to despair.

    It's taken a long time for me to be convinced about this, I might add. Depending upon the nature of the rejection a soul has experienced, there tends to be different ways of coping with it (giving in, holding out, fighting back, etc.) For myself, when the rejection was extreme, I believed giving in to the resulting despair was the only way out; however, God knew this would not have been based on what was really true. What was really true was my need for INSIGHT and AWARENESS - mainly about God's real nature, that He will never reject me, even though people do. God loves and accepts and protects - rejecting people have issues and project - often to protect themselves, as they see the need.

    The first thing to ask ourselves may sound daft, but it helps the self-awareness, and it's: "Do I want my feelings to be healed?" (Daft it may sound, but the reality is, there is always the possibility that carrying around our hurt feelings might have become our 'friend'. Honesty is the best policy, always)

    I think that's enough for this morning, the subject matter being sensitive, and not wanting to bang on saying too much too soon etc. My intention with this thread is to offer insight learned the hard way, answers that do work, etc.

    Have a great day with new hope :)
  8. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Posted on here yesterday - but it wouldn't send and then it got lost in cyberspace. Maybe SF crashed?

    Can't remember the original, and a little disheartened at the thought of trying to reproduce it - but the main gist was something along the lines of:

    Re-made = healing. And the word for heal/health in Latin is 'salve' from which we get the word Salvation.

    Salvation is nothing more, nothing less, than the healing of one's soul.

    The soul = the mind, the emotions, + the place where we make our decisions, the will.

    Healing these = coming into the green pastures of peace and acceptance and hope. Very precious place to be :)
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Started reading a book last night called Don't Waste Your Sorrows by Paul E. Billheimer. Speaking to me....... found this in it, which I know is so true:

    I walked a mile with Pleasure;
    She chatted all the way;
    But left me none the wiser
    For all she had to say.

    I walked a mile with Sorrow;
    And ne’er a word said she;
    But, oh! The things I learned from her,
    When Sorrow walked with me.”
    ― Robert Browning Hamilton

    This is the upside of dark times - what we can learn from them. Of course, we would all rather not have them, but life is such that they're unavoidable - but it doesn't have to be the end of our hopes and expectations :)

    The other thing I got from this book last night was the best explanation of "the God thing" - as to the big "Why?" question I've ever read, so as to be able to understand it so it makes sense.

    (It made sense on one level in years gone by - but not deep enough down within me to heal all the hard-to-express questions). It's explained over a few pages and I'm not sure I would be allowed to write it all out here because of copyright.

    But I'll try
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 8, 2012
  10. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Love Suffers (p.30)

    "There is no love without self-giving. There is no self-giving without pain. Therefore, there is no love without suffering. Suffering is an essential ingredient of agape love and therefore of a moral universe. Even God cannot love without cost."

    There's probably enough said there to kick off with.

    If anyone wants to add anything about their world-view, or questions about God's existence/ability to help us in our times of need - I shall do my best to give an answer, if I'm able, with the help of resources that have been a help to me. I certainly don't profess to know everything about the subject (God!), only that, I know that a Higher Power saved me in my darkest night, and that He knows our true heart and our potential. :)
  11. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

  12. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Another hint, lovely friends on here - this time from Facebook last week:


    Now, I have absolutely no idea who Denis Lewis is, but I know for a fact that this was my struggle, and still is my struggle, due to growing up not being allowed to know my father, and always having struggled with my identity.

    Once we start to understand how important real identity is to us, we can see our struggles in a different light........... and not to fear, our Real Identity is actually, indestructible, despite our best attempts to prove otherwise.......

    Beginning to understand the truth about our inward stuff is worth every bit of effort, and we continue to realise that we are not alone in this, and are still loved :) gtg......
  13. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    K, more specifically, some “how to’s” ; these are general, and in line with R.E.B.T. (Rational, Emotive, Behavioural Therapy) – and I know from experience the truth concerned with this process – that it does actually work when it is accepted and followed:
    1. Acknowledge that what I am telling myself about myself, my situation, about life is responsible for producing my mood/feelings – therefore, if I can change my “self-talk” then this will start to affect the way I feel. If I would like to feel more hopeful and positive, I can start by changing the way I think.
    2. In this regard, I am willing to believe that my current feelings are/have been NOT reflecting reality to me – they have just been reflecting my mood back to me, and this is why I have felt so bad, largely due to accepting my mood as the way things are.
    3. But, this can change.
    4. From today I will journal my feelings and my mood and work with them, with a view to changing them by choosing to think of them differently, from another angle. This might seem too hard at first, but with practice I know it will get better as gradually I will be able to see I can have mastery over them. I can be the head, not the tail. The tail isn't going to wag the dog any more :):dog:

    Then, either on your computer or an exercise book, draw up a table, 5 columns down, 2 across (the 1st about 1/4 the width of the 2nd. The first column stays the same)
    The first column will contain the headings, and then each day you write about the headings in the 2nd column.
    The column headings are:
    1. "The Feeling/mood I want to explore today is:"
    2. The self-talk that is producing this feeling/mood is:
    3. The assumptions/beliefs that my self-talk is based on are:
    4. The truth about my assumptions/beliefs might be..... (and don't worry if you have absolutely no idea - it comes with practice)
    5. The way forward (for today) that this presents me with is:

    OK, sounds too easy, or too "out there"? I'll give an example:

    1. Blaahhhh/down low
    2. No one gives a shit and I don't know what to do
    3. That only people who are seen to have succeeded are able to be happy
    4. (I can take this belief and work with it - writing it down will help me to see how true it is) i.e. This is probably just an assumption that might not be true. If it's not true, I really don't need it, so will not take it on board or identify with it any longer.
    5. To ignore any thinking that tells me I am a failure. Everyone makes mistakes, and life is for learning, there is no shame in being human. I can believe that I do still have value

    I PROMISE you, that done daily, over time, you will begin to recognise real improvement :) Why? Because, we get/become what we dwell on.

    Blessings and strength
  14. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    The following I got from Facebook this morning...... It's so awesome (imo!) I just had to post it here, because it's all about a new perspective from God's point of view........ the seeds of how we can be re-made in our thinking, :)

    The New Testament Gamble, by John Lynch

    What if I tell them who they are?

    What if I take away any element of fear in condemnation, judgement, rejection?

    What if I tell them I love them, will always love them? That I love them right now, no matter what they’ve done, as much as I love my only Son? That there is nothing they can do to make my love go away?

    What if I tell them there are no lists? That I don’t keep a record of past offenses, of how little they pray, of how often they’ve let me down, made promises they don’t keep?

    What if I tell them they are righteous, with my righteousness, right now?

    What if I tell them they can stop beating themselves up? That they can stop being so formal, stiff and jumpy around me?

    What if I tell them I’m crazy about them? What if I tell them that even if they run to the ends of the earth and do the most horrible, unthinkable things, that when they come back, I would receive them with tears and a party?

    What if I tell them that I’m their Saviour, that they are going to Heaven, no matter what – it’s a done deal?

    What if I tell them they have a new nature,….NOT “saved sinners who should now buck up and be better if they were any kind of Christians, after all He’s done for you”

    What if I tell them that I actually live in them now? That I have put my love, power and nature inside of them at their disposal?

    What if I tell them they don’t have to put on a mask? That it is OK to be who they are at this moment, with all their junk? That they don’t need to pretend about how close we are, how much they pray, or don’t, how much Bible they read, or don’t?

    What if they knew they don’t have to look over their shoulder for fear if things get too good the other shoe’s gonna to drop?

    What if they knew I will never, ever use the word ‘punish’ in relation to them?

    What if they knew that when they ‘mess up’ I will never ‘get back’ at them?

    What if they were convinced that bad circumstances are not my way of evening the score for having taken advantage of me?

    What if they knew that the basis of our relationship is not how little they sin, but how much they let me love them?

    What if I tell them that they can hurt my heart, but that I never hurt theirs?

    What if I tell them I like U2’s music too?

    What if I tell them I never really liked the Christmas handbell deal with the white gloves?

    What if I tell them they can open their eyes when they pray and still go to heaven?

    What if I tell them there is no secret agenda, no trapdoor?

    What if I tell them it is not about their self-effort, but about allowing me to live my life through them?


    I'd just ask - is this the picture of God you grew up with? It certainly was not mine.........
  15. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    ... thought of another one this morning........

    "And What if I tell them that sex was all my idea, and it's all good?" :)
  16. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi again :)
    So, the scene was, during the week, trying to complete a 100-piece jigsaw puzzle of Australian mammals with my 4 year old granddaughter.

    And it reminded me of my signature here - about the pieces of our lives and how we try to fit them together to make sense of them, and yet, we can struggle to get the finished product looking anything like the picture on the box.

    We start off in life with our idea of our picture on the box, and things happen to mess this up.

    We have our pieces, and think we can put them all together, and yet somehow they don't look right or don't even fit. Like my granddaughter, putting paws and claws into ears, rocks into clouds etc.

    I know that's how my life has been,

    but it is coming slowly right, with time, healing and insight and removal from "triggers" to look again like the picture on the box.......which is recovering my hope to continue on in the same direction, with the stuff I've learned from being down in that dark pit with no way out.

    Everything is redeemable, and can be made sense of, eventually. Maybe not right this minute, the way we want. But that is "magic wand" stuff.
  17. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    OK, woke up this morning (just now) with the following title in my head:

    TIPS FOR MAKING YOUR MIND YOUR FRIEND -The 12 Fundamentals of Mental and Emotional Health

    Because theory is one thing, practical steps are another.

    The 12 Fundamentals were learned from my mentor - who I'm not allowed to mention publicly because of admin's rules, but that is OK, no worries.

    Many come to SF asking what they should do, - well, the 12 Fundamentals for Mental/Emotional health are somewhat akin to the way AA works. Practical steps for people who know they are in need of some help with a particular problem, but don't know what to do.

    I won't list them all out in one go, because of 'overload'. They need time to be chewed through, swallowed and digested. And also argued about probably (- I know I argued about the first one when I first saw it....!)

    1. I will accept responsibility for the outcomes of my choices

    This is because my choices affect my attitude, my moods and my predicament. "How did I contribute to this mess?" is a very healthy question to ask myself (and one the blame-shifter never asks). Ultimately, my destiny is determined by the choices that only I can make. My response to my predicament will determine its outcome. Choices have a flow-on effect, and my choices in large measure got me here, and only my choices can get me out, or at least enable me to benefit as I go through it.

    In other words: If I always do what I've always done, I'm only going to get what I've always got. If I want to 'get' different, I need to 'do' different.

    The most liberating thing we can do is face up to our own sovereignty, and not postpone happiness until all our conditions are met (which usually depends upon the conformity of others). If I can succeed in blaming other for my predicament I will slide into the belief that there is nothing I can do about it.


    Now I know, in cases of abuse of the innocent, that the choices that other people in authority over us have made, have had input into our lives that we would rather be without. We had no maturity with which to deal with it when it happened, so stuffed it all deep down - which is why we find we need some guidance as to what to do about it when we realise there might be a connection between all that went on historically and the way we respond to life in the present. This in no way excuses other peoples' bad choices. But it does empower us to find some insight, and light to help us see our way out of the pit.


    (At the end of this week I'll be out of internet access for a week - back about 23 Sept.) :)
  18. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    2. I will accept correction from those whom I trust

    Ok, this is a biggie……… and probably rather painful (I know it was for me, and still is :)) however, there’s no gain without pain in any of life’s endeavours. If we realise we need to start seeing things differently to feel better, the pain will only be temporary, as we work at becoming free from any previous perspective that has dragged us down.

    My mentor writes.... (and he is a very wise bloke - he has devoted his life to providing answers for peoples' searches)

    “Being able to take correction without taking offence, from those who deserve my trust and know better than me, requires humility. If I am to become wise, I must first trust the wise."

    Here are some empowering questions that can work FOR you, not against you

    Have the grooves you’ve rehearsed in your mind ‘entitled’ you to take offence rather than any correction? Am I looking for affirmation of only what I already believe? Have I welded correction to shame/rejection? How teachable has this made me, if I have? How welcoming am I to any challenge to my thinking?

    I suppose if posting stuff like this is unwelcome, people can simply ignore it. But for others, it might be helpful and without the expense of paying a professional :)
  19. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    3. I will accept short-term pain for long-term gain

    "It is possible to coach myself through the unbearable feelings and ghosts :ghost:/echoes of the past (such as failure, disappointment, guilt or rejection) .......and to find the truth necessary to work it through"

    'Quick fixes' to avoid life's pain, tend to create more pain........(mine was chocolate and sweet stuff - so painful trying to shed the aftermath of eating as a habitual quick fix)...... however, refusal to postpone immediate gratification can result in debt, addiction, anger/control as ways to help keep us feeling protected from our unbearable feeling.

    The positive to take from this one is that it IS possible to change our beliefs about what will bring us happiness........ (Got the feeling there's some rotten tomatoes being thrown through the screen...... :cower:
  20. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    (Sorry it's been a while since the last here.)

    OK, this is a biggie. My goodness - if we could all do this, we'd have to change the name of this site to Hope Forum! (Actually, that's not a bad title for a thread :) )

    Coming to read this "cold" - it's probably going to sound impossible. But please do not despair - it's talking about the end result of someone who has made their mind into their friend. With me - I am still very much in process - but I'm so thankful at least to know that - at least I am now in the process, whereas before I didn't have a clue.

    4. I will make friends with my past

    "Historic abuse, trauma and regrets result in damaged perspectives. My misinterpretations and over-reactions indicate where there's a problem. ("Can I recall without recoil?" is a good empowering question) A stuff-up is just a setback, and I don't have to awfulise and crucialise situations. I can use pain and regrets to learn from them and to help feed my compasion for others."


    I totally believe that this is the journey out and through. It might well seem like a destination on another planet - consider what the Pilgrim Fathers did when they got fed up with life where they were - they made the journey to establish a new life - and we can do this too - in ourselves by telling ourselves new truth (which is the means of transport :) They set out with some hope inside them, some determination, even in the face of the considerable risks - and America was established!

    Taking this as an example - I can tell myself: "It is totally possible for me to re-colonize myself by telling myself different things" ........... we are all in this together, in our journeys to that new place :)
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