Would you miss your son if ......

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Anonymous2, Nov 9, 2011.

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  1. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    Would you miss your adult son if he was a complete loser?

    (Assume you had a son, if you don't actually have one)

    People always say that suicidal people should not commit suicide because of the negative affect it will have on their family. But is this always the case? In some cases, would the death of an adult son be a relief?

    For example, would you miss the loss of a adult son who has the problems listed below?

    1. Extremely shy and anxious to the point that he can't work a full-time job. He is stuck in his current part-time job and can't change because he panics during new social experiences. If he loses that job, he will probably just be an unemployed man who hangs around the house.

    2. You've helped him with school, only to discover that he will not be able to graduate because he can't complete a public speaking class.

    3. He lives at your house even though he is almost 30, and may not ever become self-sustaining because of severe social issues.

    4. He has chronic physical health problems

    5. He is boring and depressing to be around

    6. He use to abuse hard drugs and alcohol

    7. He had numerous opportunities as a child because of your hard work, but he still grew up to be a loser.

    8. He fails at every new endeavor he pursues because of extremely low-self esteem, physical health problems, and/or social anxiety.

    9. His mental and physical health problems do not respond to any treatments.

    As a mother, wouldn't you be relieved to no longer have to deal with, live with, and worry about someone like the person describe above?

    I'm just curious because I plan on buying a 12 gauge shotgun, studying the anatomy of the brain, and then, making a sincere attempt. But, I don't really want to do it if my mother will be very distraught. If she's just a little sad, that's OK. I just don't want her to be very distraught.

    P.S., Please answer honestly. I will be able to tell if you-all are being insincere.
  2. BrinkOfExistence

    BrinkOfExistence Well-Known Member

    I would be heartbroken to lose a son/daughter at any age even if he/she was 80 years old, even if they had all those problems you have stated however i would do everything in my power to prevent them from ever having a life like that.

    Would i miss my adult son/daughter if they commited suicide? yes and i would blame myself for not helping them more.

    Would it be a relief? no i would forever be burdened with grief.
  3. lachrymose27

    lachrymose27 Well-Known Member

    lol i'm all of those points except 4 and 6!
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    Personally I'd miss him more due to all those things than I would if I had a clinically 'normal' adult son die. Honestly, if she wouldn't miss you then she wouldn't have helped and supported you all this time (as I'm assuming she has). I can see that perhaps you think it might be a weight off of her mind because of the supposed burden you may think you are on her, but burden or not, I'm quite sure she would never want you dead or not in her life any more.

    Having a son with all of those problems would simply make him all the more special and unique in my eyes. I'd want to protect him and nurture him all the more, because I'd feel like as his mother he'd need it because he can't cope so well on his own. To have him take his own life would be more heart-breaking than I can imagine. Not only that, but I'd feel like a failure as a mother for not being able to protect him from the world, or even himself. I'm not your mother though, so I honestly can't say if she would feel the same as me or not.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I'm a mum with a 28 year old son still living at home.

    He dropped out of school.
    Has never had a job.
    At one point, became humungusly fat, didnt wash, hair was to his waist and his beard not far behind.
    He was so depressed that I was lucky to get a grunt in reply to anything I said.
    He didnt leave the house for ten years and I had to do everything for him.

    He used to (and still does on occasion) call himself a waste of space.
    I will tell you, as I told him, NEVER ARE OUR CHILDREN A WASTE OF SPACE!

    He is now making strides back into the world and I am so proud of him, but had he stayed the way he was, I would never have condemned him, just mourned the loss of a normal life for him.
    If he had killed himself, in those really dark day, I would never have recovered...NEVER!!!!
    So think on, your mother will be devastated.
  6. Anonymous2

    Anonymous2 Well-Known Member

    Ok, Ok ... you're probably right. Sometimes it's just so hard for me to believe that anyone would miss someone like me. Everyone in my family is an overachiever, but I'm a complete failure.
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun, I don't believe for one minute that you are a complete failure. :hug:

    Ok maybe you havent had financial/career success, but there are other things in life that make a person a success.
    A kind heart, a loving nature, a giving of ones' self and time.
    All these things are held low, but to my mind are of the highest success.

    If you feel you need to do "something" how about an Open University Degree?
    You can study at home and in your own time.
    They can actually be good fun too and are recognised as a bona fide degree.
  8. Vanq

    Vanq Active Member

    Hell, half of that list applies to me. Seeing as how I'm pretty sure there are violent criminals in prison whose mothers miss them, I don't think being a mere "loser" is enough to break the attachment. I'd imagine your mother probably sees in you some potential and positive traits that you don't see in yourself. Also, as far as I can tell, normal mothers tend to value the happiness of their offspring, not just their productivity, earnings, grades, etc, so even if in theory you were a "failure" in the various senses you think you are, it's quite unlikely that she'd see you as complete dead weight.
  9. ExtraSoap

    ExtraSoap Well-Known Member

    welcome to the club :/
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