A clear goal in mind yet aimlessly wandering, Maybe what I'm looking for isn't here on earth. Need to stop having nightmares of people that are no longer in my life. Rambling to myself. I didn't think I would ever start another thread considering how it went with my previous storytime here. Better keep my expectations low in this one. I guess I'm not really desperately screaming for help like most of the users here. "Suicidal, help me, I want to die". It's not that I never feel that way, I just don't see the point in telling anons that. Because I know there isn't an answer and I don't expect anybody to give me magic fixes. Wanting to disappear but I know suicide isn't the answer, it won't happen outside severe impulsions. I've come to realise that the things that matter aren't attainable at request. I crave closure, even in the form of talking to somebody about anything we have in common or different experiences. In short, mutual attraction. I suppose that's one way to distract myself from loneliness. Frankly, I don't really enjoy farming sympathy. There's another reason why I don't speak of my problems as a call for help, but an introduction of myself so others can learn some about me. Sometimes I want to hear people say something new like, "Hello let's get to know each other". Many times I wanted to get closer to several people but that may just be creepy and over-friendly perhaps, usually onesided. I don't really understand how a lot of members here are feeding off words of consolation coming from strangers who repeat the same thing to everybody. "I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better. Stay strong, keep talking to us." As someone who means every word he says, I just hope everyone here do too. Even so.. what changes? What about you? Do you feel better from hearing those overused lines? I can't be the only that's NOT interested in small talk, common coutesies, and the likes. While I most absolutely appreciate the people here that give a little bit of their time to comment with the intention to support, I sometimes wonder if it actually helps (afterall I am also one of those people that tried). Me personally, it doesn't really go beyond brief relief. "Take care but we wont ever talk again until you post a new thread". That seems so wrong no matter how I look at it. Are you sure this isn't just training victims of depression the art of attention seeking or shallow attention dependency? I personally find it more effective if everybody focus on a single person and build a meaningful true friendship instead of casually leeching sympathies from strangers. "Go deep", I say. "Quality over quantity", I say. And yet how many of us have cared to dive a step deeper with all the Welcome-PM invitations given away? Was it really enough? Don't think so. I don't believe people came here only to hear the generic empathetic sentences from a stranger, or a quick "hi and bye", however both the guest and pursuer stopped there. Why? You can build real solid friendships even on the internet. Why only scrape the surface? Let's be realistic, professionals aside, nobody can solve anybody's problem. Only you can save yourself. The best you can get out of this forum is a longlife friend that understands. Which is why I find it funny everyone stops at having/being understanding strangers. Why only take? And why only give? When you can be involved in that beautiful exchange with someone special?* And I don't know how to initiate a friendship on SF because it almost seems like very little people are actually interested. Everyone speaks about the pain of having nobody, but how often do you see them try connecting with other people? Allow me to repeat the question, Would you rather have the shallow attention of millions, or the deep intimacy of one? Have you been making efforts? Are you working towards what you want? Are you here to farm quick gratification and the attention of strangers or are you here for a greater purpose? Here's a picture of cat taking a selfie to show my gratitude for reading until the end (because everybody loves cats and I have five dogs): *YAY TO ALL WHO HAS FORMED TRUE FRIENDSHIP!