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Wouldn't this be terrible?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ryanglander, May 10, 2009.

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  1. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    What if people weren't able to yell at me anymore. What if I would no longer be blamed for losing my mom's credit card not because I lost it, or even ever used it but just because she is nuts. She screams at me while crying and blames me for things that aren't my fault, let alone within my control. She hasn't been diagnosed with any mental illness that I know of. Wouldn't it be terrible if she couldn't yell at me anymore? My brother constantly harasses me, my dad just died, I hate the majority of my family for giving me being cold and giving me a hard time when my dad was sick, and never being offered help. Wouldn't it be terrible if they could no longer hate me, wouldn't it be terrible if I could not be called, implied, or yelled at that I'm stupid, crazy, not responsible, and just a bad person.

    I yelled at one family member for being cold and nasty to me a few weeks before my dad died. And I was called crazy, even though its evident to everyone else what was really happening. Though I was told to ignore it, that its my fault if I can't deal with it. So I must be terrible, it must be my fault that all these people hate me. I've tried being nice, helping my dad without any help, I just wanted to be left alone, I just couldn't take anymore pain.

    Theres so much hate in my family, so many fights, its not just me, they fight amoungst themselves, and no one is honest. Everyone just pretends everything is fine then lashes out unreasonably. I seem to get yelled at a lot, ignored, made fun of, harassed, and called names. It must be my fault. Wouldn't it be terrible if I stopped all this? If my family could no longer hate me, if I could no longer be abused, if I was no longer tormented by this bullshit. Since I'm hated so much, it must be my fault. Still though if they could no longer hate me, that would be terrible. I would probably go to hell if I stopped all this.

    Wait a minute, mabye this wouldn't be so terrible. I would no longer be hated and I would never be "cause" people to hate me. Mabye theres something I could do then, hmmm... Suicide sounds like a solution. It would make everyone better off. Because after all, all the hate I've received must be my fault. So I need to correct it, if I continue to live that would not correct it. The only way is by suicide. That's what God wants me to do. It must be. I should be alive.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Ryan,I don't know what to say..except I've read it and hope you don't do anything harmful!
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    It's not your fault. You don't deserve to be treated that way. And you dont' deserve to die either.

    Here if you want to talk.
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