Wow, it doesn't get any better...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anonymous_user, Dec 15, 2009.

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  1. I've stretched out my suicide for a while hoping things would get better. Fuck no! Shit keeps hitting the fan leaving me covered in more shit. I know I'm going to go through with this but I can't shake the pain I'm going to cause my family and friends, but that alone isn't good enough anymore. What's the point when the future only holds more pain and suffering?
    What would you do if you knew, with absolute certainty, that your future situation isn't going to get any better? I know my answer.
  2. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    I'd want to die. It's always been that way..hang on thinking things will improve, then a year passes, nothing's changed, only got worse and you regret never taking the final step back then. Who knows, things might improve this time?
  3. funny. I've always been an optimistic guy. Worked my ass off in everything I ventured and yet I've still failed. Hoping that things will improve has gotten old.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Can you tell us a little about what's wrong?
  5. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Dont you have any oppertunities to improve? Life is full of oppertunities, taking a career path, school, anything.
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I came here 2 years ago. With the exact same feelings. And I still have those exact same feelings. I try and find something else to "hold on" to. Oh dont do it because of others feelings or because I have kids or because, because because..... But eventually every reason can be rationalized away with the help of my depression, bipolar and suicidal thoughts and urges.

    It almost makes me feel angry when I hear those suggestions from others. They offer them in kindness and support. But it still doesnt help. It makes me feel like less and less people really understand where I am.

    I dont know what the answer is. I dont know what you hold on to anymore. Maybe we dont anymore. But I think there is always a teeny part of you that fights just because it has to. It doesnt know anything else. So hold on to that. Grab it with both hands and just hold on. Keep reaching out to those here. They understand. They know where you are. Maybe someone here will offer the magic words that will kickstart you into seeing other options and giving you reasons you never thought of to want to make it to a new future. Just hold on?
  7. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    im doing the same but for so many years...worse & worse :(
  8. sincredibly

    sincredibly Member

    bro..or sis.. i feel you...

    i felt the most intense feelings of suicide about over a year ago now and actually chose to act on them... (un?)fortunately:) it was obviously not my time to leave this world so i am still "here" today..

    i have learned a lot after my attempt.. i have had some great times with some great people.. i love my family, i love my friends.. i love life, all life.. i am generally an optimistic person who usually has a smile on his face.. i try to make people laugh and i try to help people whenever possible.. i have always been generous and i am one who does not believe that "nice guy finish last"..

    here i am.. wanting to give up again...

    it's all a matter of perspective though because i can look at my current situation from an angle of self gain meaning i am where i am now to learn from my mistakes.. without the negative polarity how would there be any growth? it is said that if a creation was only positive no one would want to do anything... if all is perfect and dandy how could there be any "growth"?

    so maybe i just need to quit being a pussy and start anchoring in a more positive perspective here in 3D.. yeah, maybe that's what i need to do..
  9. Thanks for the replies guys and I apologize for the really really late reply.
    I took some of the advices and I kind of reached out to my friends and family. I gotta say, they fucking blew it! That's for goddamn sure. So, I don't see what's holding me back anymore.
    Merry christmas and a happy new year!
  10. Im sorry they blew it. Its just typical of other people. You have the anonymity on here to discuss your feelings. Let yourself go. It may help.........
  11. On top of my self esteem turning to shit, I'm losing my mind.

    I was at a store yesterday and needed to write a check. I've written maybe 4 checks in my entire life. As I was writing the check, specifically while I was writing the amount, the clerk said I had it mixed up. I had no idea what he was talking about so I had him show me how to write the check. At this point his boss was next to him and they both had this look as if I was some retard. What happened was I mistakenly wrote the amount in the "pay to" line. I just had a goddamn brainfart, that's it! But these fuckers turned me into some pile of worthless shit that couldn't write a check correctly.

    I can't drive without being concerned about what other drivers are thinking about my driving. I can't go to the store without bein concerned about what other people are thinking about me. I'm going insane and I know it! I can't leave my room without being concerned about what my room-mates are thinking.

    The funny thing is, I used to be full of self esteem and optimism. There was no one I couldn't get along with and I was the guy to come to if you had problems, be it emotional, computers, work, etc. Now I'm on the opposite end of it all. I realized how much i've fucked my life up and everything's just crumbling down.

    Reaching out to my closest friends only backfired a thousand fold. They don't take me seriously. They just think I'm paranoid. I told my best friend about what I had planned and last night he mentioned, "... and this ridiculous idea of yours with [the suicide device]..."

    I had planned to have a family dinner at a restaurant on christmas eve. Instead they made other plans.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 24, 2009
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