U
i have never been this suicidal in my life...
and i've been suicidal. but it's usually just an empty, despairing feeling.
for some reason, though, it's now a burning, aching, manic desire to rid of myself.
and i don't like how i feel like i'm not in control of it. i'm usually a very rational person. i can be a bit errantly impulsive, when things call for it, but not irrational. hardly *ever* irrational.
i don't want to be here and i don't think i can be here much longer. i can't take it anymore and i'm sick of blindly trying to convince myself that i can. i'm not as strong as i thought i was and it's as simple as that.
i won't be in everyone's way much longer.
it's a morbid irony, really, how you think you're getting better and then BAM! things turn to shit once again, and it's no one's fault but your own.
and i've been suicidal. but it's usually just an empty, despairing feeling.
for some reason, though, it's now a burning, aching, manic desire to rid of myself.
and i don't like how i feel like i'm not in control of it. i'm usually a very rational person. i can be a bit errantly impulsive, when things call for it, but not irrational. hardly *ever* irrational.
i don't want to be here and i don't think i can be here much longer. i can't take it anymore and i'm sick of blindly trying to convince myself that i can. i'm not as strong as i thought i was and it's as simple as that.
i won't be in everyone's way much longer.
it's a morbid irony, really, how you think you're getting better and then BAM! things turn to shit once again, and it's no one's fault but your own.