Wow.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by The_Discarded, Jul 2, 2007.

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  1. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Who'd have thought? I can't quite breathe. Not worthy of air anyway.

    I'm almost at peace, but too agitated to reach it. (And perhaps a bit too short? [that's just as metaphorical as it is literal])

    Due apologies for my existence... (I don't deserve your inevitable kind words of support... not at all. Please don't waste time.)

    I'm incredibly sick of trying.

    Simple. I just can't, anymore. Can't try.

    And there's really no reason to.

    There's nothing left to do... nowhere I can go... nothing I can be...

    Empty desolation has me by the throat.

    It's all the same.

    Death... I'll pray that He takes me. It's of my own volition. I might just have too much arrogant pride at the moment to do anything myself.

    That's all there is.

    I am simply not smart enough to lay out a string of profound words in a perfectly-crafted context. Not creative enough to leave anyone with thoughts so deep they cannot sleep. Not entertaining enough to do a trick. ("Fetch. Roll over. Pull a rabbit out of your hat.") I used to be. I was strong. I've been melted. Consumed. No complaints, though. It's how I wanted it.

    There is no "what's making you feel this way?" There is no "what's going on? Talk about it..." There is no "It'll pass... it'll get better... won't be like this forever." There is no "Look how far you've come. Look how much you've gotten through." Honestly. Hopeless.

    I see how dead everything is. Everything around me is becoming just as ugly as I feel.

    This is no painfully passing breeze. Maybe it used to be. I don't feel that anymore. It's just... my chest hurts...

    I'm not sure what anyone thinks I am, but I can be damned-near-certain that it's far too positive of a view. I am scarred, but empty and uncaring...

    There isn't anymore. I don't know how to externalize the hell that's in my head, nor should I.

    What I said was all I have and all I needed to release.

    This couldn't be more whiny. And I couldn't be more sorry.
     
  2. Zueri

    Zueri Well-Known Member

    The_Discarded!

    I don't know where you are know, and I fervently hope you're alright.
    I know you asked people not to reply to this, but I just couldn't help it...

    "I am simply not smart enough to lay out a string of profound words in a perfectly-crafted context. Not creative enough to leave anyone with thoughts so deep they cannot sleep." - You say? I haven't heard such utter falsehoods before! Your writing just proved that you are smart, and capable of 'profound words in perfectly crafted context.' The words you laid out on this page were enough to momentarily stun me...I certainly don't think I'm going to be sleeping tonight. >.>

    You're a beautiful person! Empathetic, kind, funny, caring...I refuse to believe your claim that you are empty and uncaring. Sure I don't know you in person but I've come to care about you one hell of a lot just talking to you in chat. You may not see it at the moment, but I assure you, you are!

    Life is shitty and empty, this I'm sure you've realized by now. Some of the things you've brought up in chat have made it quite clear that fate has dealt you a worse hand than most. I perfectly understand and empathize with the feelings of emptiness, and worthlessness...of having no where to turn. That's where friends come in! And with your glowing personality, you've amassed many!

    Cry about life. Bitch about it. Whine about it. Throw fits. Be angry. There's nothing wrong with that. Take your experiences and create! Be an artist! Laugh about the hell you go through with friends! Just don't end it!

    I hope things will improve for you , and soon. Find something to hold on to that will help you pull through the terrors of life everyday. If you ever need somebody to talk to, you know where to find me...(daughterofcicero@hotmail.com)
    If there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to let me know! I hate to see you in such a bad way!

    :hug:

    PLEASE take care of yourself!

    ~Eva
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 2, 2007
  3. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    I to had to respond ur words have clearly touched us and probably a lot more. I really hope ur safe reading inbetween those words gave me cause to be concerned, please let your friends on SF know ur safe

    Regards
    Dawn
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Rae, you're not alone hun...feel much the same:sad: hang in there hun :hug:
     
  5. rd9671

    rd9671 Guest

    I don't really know what to say except that your words in the post touched me deeply. They reached right through the computer and I felt your pain in my heart. I am sorry that this life has been so difficult for you and you have gone through so much. Please try to find something. We would miss you tremendously if you left. Take care.
     
  6. sarahg

    sarahg Well-Known Member

    awwwww dis
    u can externalize it by talking,crying ,screaming it to me if that will help
    u always make me smile when u are here so if i can help u in away i so will
    love and hugs to u
    proud of u dis
    u are not alone with this ok
    remember that
     
  7. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Thank you all or something... I don't know how to be polite...

    I'm fine. I'm not dead yet.

    Just.... I don't know...

    Sorry. :sad:
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Rae I know how difficult this has been for you. You say you are not smart enough for many things. Trust me you are an intelligent person. You do have feelings and care for others. You demonstrate that in chat and through your posts on the forum. Don't sell yourself short. You are the person we see. I wish you could see yourself in the light we do. I am glad to see you are still here. Take care. :hug:
     
  9. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    :hug: rae we are all here for you
    please hang in there and talk to us.
    i will be in and out of chat all night
    :hug:
    please hun, take care of yourself
     
  10. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Rae. :sad:

    That wasn't whiny, and you of all people have a right to whine every once in a while. You're an amazingly awesome person, with awesome shoulders, hun, I hope you feel a bit better now. We're all hoping you're alright. Hang in there and please, take care of yourself, eh?
    :hug:
    x x
     
  11. The_Discarded

    The_Discarded Staff Alumni

    Sorry, guys.

    I'll deal and be fine. :smile: Thank you.
     
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