• You may receive an error message when sending PMs at the moment. The message you're trying to send has been sent and if you refresh your screen, you will see it. Otherwise you may get many repeated messages. We're working on this!

Wretched and Lost

Not open for further replies.
I have been reading these forums for a long time now, and thought I might post an introduction at least.

For as long as I can remember I've been depressed. I'm 21 now and am currently in college and ironically am a psychology major (but will probably have to drop out soon because of grades). I have never had a girlfriend and haven't even been kissed before, I feel terrible just thinking about it. In the last year or so my problems have gotten much worse, and I fear that I won't be alive much longer because of them.

I feel very tired everyday, and barely have energy to do anything. I sleep through practically all my classes, then come home just to sleep even more. I find that I can't concentrate and my memory has become so poor that I have trouble remembering people and events from highschool. Worse of all is the extreme apathy I feel. I guess the only reason I'm still alive now is because their is no real motivation to take my life or really do anything for that matter. I feel like an empty shell, a souless representation of the person I used to be. I feel trapped and stuck in the monotonous routine of my day to day life.

And all the while I can help but think my mind is rotting and my body seems like its withering a way. When I turn off the lights and try to sleep I often feel a terrible feeling of extreme weightlessness and isolation. I have even begun to uncontrollably talk to myself. On the other side of things I am sometimes taken over by a sense of mania. It is a feeling of total self-destruction. I want to tear myself a part, I want everyone to hate me, I want to suffer so badly; These are the thoughts that scream out in my mind. It's what has caused me to start cutting up my arms and lower legs. I don't do any of this for attention, and no one even has a remote idea that I'm even depressed.

Time is running out for me, once I drop out of college I have no-where to go. I have planned to write notes to all my old friends and family then kill myself when this time comes, I don't really have any other choice.


Well-Known Member
Welcome to the forum darkedge..
I'm sorry but i really don't know what to say..

Do you know what the cause of all of this is?
Have you ever seen a therapist or counsellor..? I think it might be a good idea..

Ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to give me a yell.
Take care,
Ally _%


Active Member
You should try some <mod Edit-Jodi>to help you study. Being a psychology major, I'm sure you know what they could potentially do.
There are few things more enjoyable than successfully self medicating.
Last edited by a moderator:
Not open for further replies.

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount