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wretched being

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Im dead inside, i feel nothing. Perhaps im so used to be isolated, when im alone all ican think about is how fukin shit im. Other people can smile, but when i do i feel like a fake ass dummy. So i dont, when i hear a joke i feel stupid.
When people ask for my name, i hate my name, i feel bad about myself after telling them. Its like i have no identity.
When i see someone i like, i always feel uneasy or really fuking annoyed by my awkwardness.
Serious im just not meant for this shit, i've had these thoughts a long time, and I sick tired of being sick tired.
I know the problem is, I cant climb out from the shadow, all i see is an isolated human being who try to atone for his unhappiness, but he dont want to change dont want ot crawl out from the numbness that buffers his crisis.
There are alot of people out there, and i cant relate, and i dont even care about a thing about them. Why did i get the shaft, why do i get the raw deal, and why do i have to make an effort to remain on the surface.
I want change, but it only works out if I totaly destroy all the existence of these years i've had, cuz i've had enought of it, the whole sick fukin forbidenning chains people and their fukin regulations and customs makes me want to fukin trash their damned lifes to hell and back.
All the years, every seconds, that passed from me walking in my own shadow to me shutting away in my room, doing nothing, cuz nothing matters.
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