wrong to say never 2 witout 3

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Last year i've lost a best friend and my mother, earlier this year a dear old lady that was like a mother to me than last week i've lost another best friend. You'd think that this will be the end of the problem but far from it.. my brother and son both have cancer and my other brother threatens to commit suicide...he is hiding as he was on watch.. but fooled them and ran away...now we dont know where he is or doing... nerve wrecking situation on all account. I'm myself suicidal and see no reason to continue, i've lost everything dear to my heart, what's left is about to be lost. I feel to be living in a desert, no road to follow, no post to indicate direction or else... i am at lost and dont know what to do anymore.
I'm followed by a psichiatrist yet there is so much he can do (too much has happened and he feels its overwhelming even for him) so of little comfort. 'Resist' he says... resist??? tell me how for G. sake! to what can I hold on to? there is no future, no hope, but sorrow ahead and cant take any more of it. I am about to give up.. cant take anymore of that pain and when i do, i wont miss it... cant be in the medical field without knowing how to do it and not doing it right :(


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Dear Baltazaar,

You know we can only do what we can at this moment. You love your son and brothers. You want to be there for them…

You have what it takes to make it through…just continue to do what you can at each given moment…it’s not easy, but you have the strength…you know you do…

In a way, maybe you can feel that all those loved ones are watching over you from a different place now. Close your eyes for a moment. You may even be able to "see" them. You know that they want you to live, for yourself, for your son and brothers, and for them as well. Maybe this is just a thought, but it’s a thought that may be more real than the overwhelming thoughts…

With loving wishes and lots of hugs :hug:
Cant do it. Just cant! Today went to church and told the priest about all that went and is going on.. then i told him i am looking for a way out of it all (suicide) and he said.. dont! pray and ask for strenght, there is a reason for all this to happen but that is not yours to call it out.. its HIS call not yours.
So good for advice no? Face that shit, swallow it and eat it too.. and I am to thank him for it too? So much for comfort... i then asked him if he'd give me the last rights... coz i dont know how much longer i wll resist the pressure and pain.. he said 'no' "no prayers or invocation or else will save you from hell if you do that' .. 'say an Ave Maria and a Heavenly Father and go in peace. End of the conversation... i left the church and first thought has been, where can i go to do it? time's up! then walked and walked and eventually went home defeated. Want to cry but no tears coming out, they are inner tears and reaping me apart, no relief from crying anymore.. eyes are dry out.


Well-Known Member
Needless to say, it’s extremely hard for you now…not sure what else can be said…

You are not defeated. You won by not "doing it"...

I do hope that you find the strength to go on…you can get through it...
:( how deep must one cut to find relief? :booboo: back to square one... luckily am seeing the psy on friday.. and will be able to get my medication...hope he provides for couple months, time for me to settle elsewhere as I cant stay here nor would I. He keeps threating me to have me internated by court order.. 'a danger to myself' he calls me :(
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