Wrong!

[BornFree]

Everything I say, do, think or feel is wrong! I can't do anything right, I used to know if I was justified and now I don't even know when I am right or wrong anymore...!! H, daughter and son argue with everything I say or do so I might as well not be here! Anyone else would have more chance of getting it right than me. I feel uncertain about everything... shaking and scared and need to just surrender, surely its natural to retreat and give up when kicked enough.
Any conversation,sms,email, post leaves me in utter turmoil, terrified of making things worse, say something I believe to be right and then it turns out to be wrong!
Its times like this that it would be easier to just not be... then no one would have an isuue with me and I wouldn't have all the turmoil of questioning,debating...
I am soo..oo..oo..ooo tired! So had enough!!!

 

[oval]

hi disty, how old are your kids? it sounds like teenangers?
im sorry they are stressing you out so much
its most likely just a rebellion against authority. what you say or do might not be wrong, but in fact the exact right thing to do or say as a mother and your turning all the destructive feedback inwards.
its natural that they will argue and and question everything theyre told. but if your H likes to argue then they probably copied that from him and maybe they are not aware of how much they are really hurting you with it.
im sorry if this doesnt help much as im not a mom, im just assuming :unsure:

 

[BornFree]

Thank you for your reply, yes it does help, Thank you! Whether you have children or not. It means alot that you replied. I am just struggling so much right now, when it feels like I am so hated and resented it just doesn't seem worth it to be here, then I feel selfish as it seems like I am being too needy. I am so pathetic that I even feel hurt about my post - you can see people are all sick of me as other people get so many replies, and I am just the dreggs of humanity.
My kids are 5 and 13, and as it looks like they are both on Autistic spectrum and possible oppositional defiance disorder. I don't know why I am posting here, I can't expect anyone to care if even my own family resents me. I don't want to be a failure anymore, I don't want to have to struggle anymore.

 

[icequeen]

Hi Ditsy, i am so sorry that you feel that cos other threads get more replies that you feel worthless..and i can only say that maybe its probably because no one can relate to how you feel, and NOT because you are dregs of humanity. sounds like you have a tough time with austic kids, thats not easy to deal with and so they will present more of a challenge than children who are not on austic spectrum. i know someone in similar position and they have dreadful times with their grandchildren on austic spectrum, so please believe it is NOT you personally, maybe its your ability to cope due to the fact that you are depressed, nothing wrong in that its perfectly normal. sometimes depression can make us paranoid, and we see or hear things that are not necessarily how they really are...and you just have to remind yourself of this and realise you are not a bad person, you are just going through a really hard time. have you spoken to your doc about this? even your H, does he realise how he makes you feel.

please dont feel bad about yourself and how you see things and i hope you can speak to a professional about how you feel and get the help you deserve. :pinkrose:

 

[BornFree]

Thank you Ice queen... your name seems somehow wrong when you write with such care and compassion. Thank you xxx

 

[icequeen]

hi Ditsy..i hope you are feeling just a little bit better...as i said, i know someone with children on austic spectrum and with adhd and they have visited sometime ago, so i can understand how doing this 24/7 can have an impact (i was a 24/7/365 carer) so dont feel bad for feeling bad...i wish i had someone to tell me that when i was going through it..but what i am trying to say is you are allowed to feel crap and want to scream and shout and kick, you just need to make sure you can find the time and place to do it, regrettably, i think, i didnt. life throws sh*t at us...we just have to keep ducking...which is hard. :pinkrose:

 

[Wastingecho]

daughters are in college so they ignore me if it doesn't have something to do with school or money

wife treats me as either part of the furniture or a servant

son is 20 has asperger's, oppositional defiance, and can't get him to focus long enough to get a skill or a job

sound familiar?

it sucks and it's hard hon, i know it, but you can talk to me if you'd like

hope you feel better

 

[Petal]

:hug: hoping you're doing better x

 

[lostbutnotfound]

Hey sweetpea
Was gonna text you back today but you know what my memory is like, I shall do it tomorrow and see how you are doing. I have a lot of admiration for you. You have so much to deal with, and you continue to fight. You face each day even though I know how hard it is for you to just get out of bed in the mornings. I think of you always. And don't you dare think about leaving me, I can't lose my partner in crime! :tongue:

Keep fighting hon, and we are all here to provide support as and when needed, as you do with so many of us.

Thinking of you always
Loadsa love
Meeeee xxxxxx