Wrote the letter

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Synpentane, Dec 27, 2012.

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  1. Synpentane

    Synpentane Member

    I just can't keep going like this. I already explained on this forum the problems I have but I have to say now that I came to the conclusion that I will never be happy because of them and nothing will ever solve them. I more or less wasted my life because of them anyway and starting anew isn't possible at all at this point. I'm barely able to fake being happy with the family during the holidays and when I try to explain to them my issues they brush them off saying it could be worse and that I'm ungrateful. Wow.

    I can barely get out of bed or the house anymore. I tried doing volunteer work to cheer me up and it only made me feel worse seeing all of these people with a better life than I have.

    Here I am at 3 am typing this as I cannot sleep at all. My mind doesn't want to stop thinking about my problems and my guillt and how they will be impossible to solve.

    I spend the last 3 hours writing my suicide letter. It felt really strange writing this as I felt calm for the very first time in a while, like I know it will be over soon. Typing everything and explaining all I suffered and why I keep suffering and how it will never end is very awkward to me, yet it seems like a good summary of everything I endured and have to endure all the time. A good description of how awful it is and how ignorant people are when they think I'm simply ungrateful and wimpy.

    Hopefully I'll be able to stop the pain soon as I can't go on for much longer like this. :sad:
  2. Mozart

    Mozart Well-Known Member

    Dear Synpentane, I read your post and also your earlier summary of your situation.
    I am very sorry that you have such bad luck and get treated in this way. If its any consolation these things happen a lot,
    you are certainly not alone. I myself have lost through some real disasters a top academic position ,and now I face nothing
    as I have landed myself in the wrong place ,wrong time,wrong country. Unimaginable 3 years ago.
    It is so difficult to stay afloat and I really feel for you as you seem to have little or no support in this.
    I can only argue: don't throw you life away,you are still young and things do have the tendency to change.
    You might find a suitable job which reflects your qualification,but if you kill yourself you will never experience that.
    I know that from where you sit right now everything is dark and that is understandable,but try to imagine
    a "bird's perspective" high above you,who can see the bigger picture.
    Please reconsider your plans.Please do not go by your letter. Give yourself another chance ,you might need all your
    will and energy for that,but it will be worth it. I hope very much that you get better soon.
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