urgh im soooo fucking close to topping myself right now, i can't fucking handle this anymore. I care so fucking much for people that i've self harmed over them before, more than once. Fucking talked them out of topping themselfs so many times, and right now i feel hated for even doing it.
Arggggggghhhh why can't i fucking just die!!!!! why cant someone just fucking kill me right now!!!
FOr fucking days i've been tempted to just go OD and hope it does the trick and i havent for people here, people i love and care about. Even thats starting to wear off, i should of never come back here, i should of just kept quite like i had before. There is nothing holding me back now, i thought there was a few people that could ever talk me out of it, im not even sure about that. Guess its a good thing that the contact i had with all of them aint what it use to be, makes it easier to do it right.
Yeah i promised someone i wouldn't kill myself but whats it matter to them or anyone, its just another statistic. There hell bent on carrying on the way they are, so i might aswell fucking be dead. It MAY hurt a few people. Key word being MAY. People i care about have been hurting in the past, but every fucking day i get hurt. Every fucking day and i can't take the shit no more!! i can't. I didnt do anything on that day because of people here. One in particular, trying not to hurt them. That day don't matter know. I can't hurt anyone if im not around right!? cut contact, do it, no one on here gets hurt because that don't know how i am and won't hear from me.
Months i've gone without ODing, tonight will be the final one. Im sick of it, im sick of not being able to sleep. Im sick of having dreams, even having dreams of people here killing themselfs infront of me. Having visions of my own brother carving a word into my back then slashing my throat. How fucked is that!!!
Can you call anyone here a friend???? i aint even sure now. There was a time i thought i could. People i could talk to anytime, about anything. Now i can't talk about anything to anyone.
Well my cutting knifes gone, my mum found it and took it back, she found my burning one aswell. Managed to keep that one tho. Just gonna burn over and over and over and over again today. Until later. I deserve it, i deserve the pain, i deserve the emotional pain. Im gonna die soon or later. Might aswell make it alot sooner than anyone anticipated.
Song i got from someone, suits well: ''For all the times, For all the cries, For all the pain I’ve caused, I apologize''
Im sorry
Arggggggghhhh why can't i fucking just die!!!!! why cant someone just fucking kill me right now!!!
FOr fucking days i've been tempted to just go OD and hope it does the trick and i havent for people here, people i love and care about. Even thats starting to wear off, i should of never come back here, i should of just kept quite like i had before. There is nothing holding me back now, i thought there was a few people that could ever talk me out of it, im not even sure about that. Guess its a good thing that the contact i had with all of them aint what it use to be, makes it easier to do it right.
Yeah i promised someone i wouldn't kill myself but whats it matter to them or anyone, its just another statistic. There hell bent on carrying on the way they are, so i might aswell fucking be dead. It MAY hurt a few people. Key word being MAY. People i care about have been hurting in the past, but every fucking day i get hurt. Every fucking day and i can't take the shit no more!! i can't. I didnt do anything on that day because of people here. One in particular, trying not to hurt them. That day don't matter know. I can't hurt anyone if im not around right!? cut contact, do it, no one on here gets hurt because that don't know how i am and won't hear from me.
Months i've gone without ODing, tonight will be the final one. Im sick of it, im sick of not being able to sleep. Im sick of having dreams, even having dreams of people here killing themselfs infront of me. Having visions of my own brother carving a word into my back then slashing my throat. How fucked is that!!!
Can you call anyone here a friend???? i aint even sure now. There was a time i thought i could. People i could talk to anytime, about anything. Now i can't talk about anything to anyone.
Well my cutting knifes gone, my mum found it and took it back, she found my burning one aswell. Managed to keep that one tho. Just gonna burn over and over and over and over again today. Until later. I deserve it, i deserve the pain, i deserve the emotional pain. Im gonna die soon or later. Might aswell make it alot sooner than anyone anticipated.
Song i got from someone, suits well: ''For all the times, For all the cries, For all the pain I’ve caused, I apologize''
Im sorry