Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by lost_soul, Dec 7, 2007.

  1. lost_soul

    lost_soul Staff Alumni

    whats the point when all i do is want to die. i hate my life. or if this can be called a life. cant leave the house because of anxiety. i went to the supermarket and lost it and completely broke down in the store. i was crying and shaking. and couldn't stop.
    ive stopped watching tv for the most part. i might zone out on it once in a while but that is it. i have no drive anymore. its gone. the depression, the thoughts.
    thinking about where my life would be now if things were different. if i had stayed school, and not dropped out in 10th grade. if i had never stuck a needle in my arm. if i had never gone to prison. where would i be if things had been different. i have hepatitis c from the drug abuse. looking back at things nd seeing how it could have been...
    then i look at where i am now. posted up in front of a computer 24/7. afraid to leave home. always depressed, thoughts of suicide.
    i have an appt to see the pdoc on jan 4th. less than a month away. what happens if the meds dont help the way i am feeling then. then what???
    i have one last ditch effort attempt at a life if meds alone dont work. this is ECT. i know what it is and some of the effects from the treatment.
    i just dont know what the point is if this is all that my life is meant to be.
    what keeps me going is my friends, not that i'll ever meet any of you in person, but what matters is that we are here for each other. this is what keeps me going. yet, at the same time i wish everyone would just leave me be. idk wtf i want.
    sorry for taking up space. thats about how i feel right now is thats all i am. space and a waste of air
  2. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    Hi jcat

    I can relate to the above quote. I don't see the point either.

    Thinking about the past and questioning what if it was different. I do that as well, then I read your post and you've had a rough time and mine can not compare to what you have gone through and still endure the consequences of the past. I wonder if it matters. I know that if someone told me that it doesn't matter I would be pissed as hell. When I read your post and it appears you have suffered dearly and I noticed something. I probably not explaining myself clearly but what if (a big one), the past is the past and although it plays an important on our present, don't we have the choice to be proactive in out actions at present by saying to ourselves, "what can I do now to improve my life?"

    These days I still carry around the past hurt and can't seem to let go. So,
    I could be way off with my comment, so you can dismiss if it is sh*t.

    Any way, I wish you well
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    J hun just take it one day at a time, don't give yourself additional worry by hypothesising on whether the meds/therapy etc are going to work; cross that bridge when you get to it.
    As to the past, everyone here who is over the age of 25 has a load of whatifs,
    what if I'd done this, taken this road, not done this or that. It's past, you cannot undo it so put it behind you and move on. :hug:
  4. I hope that your doctor can help you, Jason. :hug:
  5. LittleSparkles13

    LittleSparkles13 Well-Known Member


    You know that you can talk to me anytime you feel like this.

    Hope it sorts itself out soon.

    Love you

  6. RichardT

    RichardT Member

    jcat,....your situation sounds a lot like what I was like....I know it's hard to beleive or trust me, and I am not saying it is everything,but you probably have a really bad candida/parasite problem, mal-nurishment, food allergies.......your body is really in rough shape. If you can afford it you need to go see a naturopath. Or go through cleansing and supplementing and food changes...Food allergies alone can cause mental illness. Coupled with candida and parasites, drug use....The brain functions on transmitters right? Transmitters are from hormones...hormones come from glands which are in large part regulated by the liver and immune system. If your liver and immune system are not well then your glands will not function well, causing hormone imbalances, causing neuro transmitter issues..Throw in immune responses from food allergies and intolerances and drugs and such, the body and brain get really f'd up. If I had not taken care of my health I would be completely insane by now. Instead, I am stating to feel like I used to when I was a young child....It is not a genetic thing...Western doctors go to school to study material created and funded by the people who directly profit and benefit form us being sick and on drugs.....Research candida, parasites, heavy metals, allergies...Did you know that every drug is created off the knowledge learnt from a natural source? For example....painkillers....For all of history, before asprin and tylenol, people used natural things as painkillers....but natural ingredients can not be patented and profited they take a natural substance that they know works...they take a bunch of patentable chemicals that they can make money of off and create a synthetic version of the natural subtance they are trying to mimick....All medicines are, are chemical copies of a natural substance....There are natural medicines and ingredients that can help everything....And the thing is, is that our bodies are so amazing and beautiful that we don't even have to take a natural medicine all the time...One just needs to figure out what is causing the problem and rebuild your body. The body can heal and turn anything around...I swear it...Start with looking into candida/parasites/heavy metals...and cleansing those out....Also if you have hep c then you really really need to get some liver milk thistle, dandilion root and so on...the liver is vital for proper nuero transmitter function. Ask around, educate yourself...Get some books on food allergies....usually cutting out gluten and diary and limiting sugar intake can make a dramatic difference....digestive enzymes, probiotics, fibre...all vital. The best thing to do is empower yourself and educate...It is time we all woke up. They are making money off of us being ill. It is in their best interest to keep us this way....It is no coeincidence that all these problems are getting worse and worse..It doesn't just happen. It is by design....They didn't have this problem 100 years ago when things were natural....It is a stated policy that food is used as a weapon to control the masses, along with many other things.....Anyway, I am rambling...Just look into those things and start turning your health around...Get healthy, and show the world your full glory.......The biggest slap in the face you could give this system, is empowering yourself with knowledge, getting well, and standing up as the beautiful powerful force God created you to be...
  7. vbuk

    vbuk Staff Alumni

    sweetie you can get through this - we all can. hand in hand. i am always here for you sweetie. take one day at a time. baby steps hunny.

    Love you xxx